How you know your kids have grown up

Two stayed with us until last evening when he announced (after some prompting) that he would really rather be home with GGF and his cat.  I don't think he really felt "home" here at all but didn't want to upset his father and me.  This is good.  I think.  Can someone tell my heart that?

Three has promised he won't leave home just yet.  He is enjoying his time with One and Fireman Sam but is looking forward to the move and has no plans to move out permanently just yet.  *phew*.

Himself is now on 3 weeks annual leave.  Next week I hope he will move the bulk of what's left out to storage.  The following week we will clean up here and move to the holiday place and the final week will be interesting!  There will be nothing for him to do and I will be at work.  I hope he will unwind and relax and walk on the beach and learn to do nothing.  But I'm not holding my breath.

We went to the pub for dinner this evening.  It is probably the last time we will eat there.

Tomorrow we take the cats to the vet for their second shots.  We carted them in gym type bags last time but only have one at home at the moment as Three took one when he moved to One's. I plan to put Sheba (the littlest one - or the bonsai cat) into a chiller bag.  It has a zip and isn't too small.  Is there something wrong with that?

I have a day off on Monday and will do things like getting the mail redirected and contacting the solicitor to make sure settlement is still OK on this place.

This time in two weeks we will no longer own this house and I will be able to relax a bit.  

At least, that's the plan!

Chipmunk

It doesn't really show how swollen he is but you can see the bruising starting to come out under the bandage.  

The reason for the jaw breaking is that he had quite a pronounced gap between upper and lower jaw (I can never remember whether it was an underbite or overbite).  All the boys have had this to some degree (thanks to Himself!) and it isn't a huge issue but in Two's case it had the potential to impact on his airway that was already compromised by his sarcoidosis.  It won't fix the sarcoidosis but may help with his breathing at night if he gets another exacerbation.  And the surgeon removed his wisdom teeth as well.

I am glad he's home and the pain is reasonably well controlled, I think.  He is eating custards and other soft foods and drinking well.  He will probably have some soup for dinner as he is craving something savoury.  I am much happier now that I can see he is on the mend.

The course today was quite enjoyable.  I did it about 3 years ago and it was so dull.  The presenter this time acknowledged the fact that we were all nurses and therefore didn't labour the resuscitation basics (which we have to do annually).  Ally and I were also able to talk to someone who was there from our hospital about the possibility of taking up the extra 5 days a fortnight that will be available once I drop my hours.  She seemed very interested and is a lovely girl so I hope she will apply.

It's a glorious winter's day and I hope that we will have lots of these once we've moved.

A slight glitch ... we have a slate pool table that weighs a ton that we don't want to take with us.  The agent that managed the sale of this house put us in touch with another client who wanted a pool table and we agreed on a price and he was going to pick it up some time after his purchase settled mid July.  We hadn't heard and assumed he was busy settling in but we want to make sure he arranged a truck before we are moving out.  Himself spoke to the agent this afternoon and they have listed the new property on the rental market so it doesn't look like they will be taking the pool table.  Great.  Two weeks before our settlement date!  Himself knows someone who might want it otherwise we could be in a bit of a pickle!

Two more days at work this week then a three day weekend.  Then 4 days and then WE MOVE!  After the house cooling party on the 9th.

And then I run out of excuses for eating well, drinking less and exercising.  Which will be a good thing as I wake up every morning hating my body and berating myself.

And that needs to change.

On the mend

I thought I was doing pretty well over the whole Two in hospital thing but lost it a bit when I got to work.  I have very supportive colleagues but sometimes that can make you cry.  

I rang the hospital this morning and was told that Two had had a pretty good night and had been 'relatively pain free'.  Which didn't thrill me.  Himself went in and saw him this morning as they were doing an ultrasound of his heart because he had had rapid heart rates overnight.  WTF?!  Obviously things are OK as he was moved to a general ward around lunch time.

My boss encouraged me to leave early so I did.  

Himself and I went and saw Two who was quite dopey (pain meds) but hungry and bored which is a good sign.  He is drinking well and managing soft foods and, most importantly, can swallow tablets.  This means that Himself can go and pick him up at 9.00 tomorrow morning.  He will be coming back here for a couple of days so the fridge is full of mush.  Tasty mush.  Like jelly and icecream and chocolate desserts and mashed potato.  And lots of cold energy drinks.

Thank you, Mary and Chris, for your comments.  I would love you to walk with me on my beach, Mary and I have great admiration for you, Chris, with 8 heartbreakers.

Himself is making me a bacon sandwich for dinner (he makes the BEST bacon sandwiches).

And tomorrow I am on a training day with my workmate.  The session will be as boring as batshit but I will enjoy spending time with Ally.  She and I are very similar but different enough to not irritate each other.

Three has gone to stay with One.  Smartarse made a comment about leaving home.  NOT well received!!  But I'm glad he is there to keep One's mind off LGF.

Kids!

Once a mother always a mother

One:  LGF has left to go overseas for 7 months.  One is over here to distract himself as he has terrible panic attacks when she goes away.  Even though they aren't "officially" a couple.  Just good friends.  He will stay the night (has to sleep on the couch!) and tomorrow Three will move over to stay with One and Fireman Sam for a few days.  As I write One and Three are laughing hysterically at bad taste TV and youtubes.  A sound that makes my heart sing.

Two:  Had his surgery today.  His jaw was broken and reset and his wisdom teeth removed.  Himself and I went in to see him and had to wait and wait.  He had some urinary retention and needed a catheter.  GGF was with him.  I am jealous.  If you understand that, great; if you don't then you probably aren't a mother.  It's not something I like but it's the truth and I'm not ashamed of it either.  As I explained to Himself, if it was One I'd be OK cos he is 24 and adult.  If it was Three I'd be there and wild horses wouldn't stop me cos he's 19 and still a kid (shaddup).  But Two is neither one nor the other but a blend of the two.  And I don't want to step on toes.  Anyway, nuff about me.  He looks battered and bruised.  His mouth was full of blood and he had a bandage holding his jaw up.  He developed a rash that they think was caused by the drug in the PCA (patient controlled analgesia) so he now has to ask for pain relief.  Which is tricky when he can barely speak.  He is in ICU at the moment so that shouldn't be too much of a problem as they have one on one nursing.  He kept apologising for making Dad sad (we were both upset at his appearance and he knows his dad doesn't deal well when he can't fix things!), kept telling me he loved me and kept thanking the nurse everytime she tended to him.  My heart didn't know whether to swell with pride or break with the distress of seeing him like that.  Either way it hurt.  But mostly in a good way cos I know that he will have so much more confidence in himself when all this is over (another story for another day).

Three: Realised that mother was a tad stressed yesterday and agreed to come for a walk with me along the beach (see above photo).  We parked the car close to the interim apartment and walked down towards where we will be living permanently.  It is a lovely beach and I am looking forward to lots of walks.  And the best thing is that this is the beach at the end of the river path so we will have it there for ever.  Three and I had a good chat about everything and nothing.   And as I said before, he and One are sitting on the couch watching boy stuff and laughing.

Looks as if the heart will continue to ache.  For good reasons.

silver linings

Himself had 'words' with a couple of people and the current position is that we SHOULD be finished by mid-September.  As I said before, it's not the completion date that annoys me, it's the fact that we were led to believe that it would be much earlier.

I have rejigged my annual leave and am now taking 4 weeks spread over a couple of months!  A week to move out of here, then back to work for 4 weeks, then another week to move into the new place (please God!) and then back to work for a fortnight (so my boss can take some of her annual leave) and then a final two weeks to enjoy the new place.  Another plus is that last week was my last full week.  I have a training day this week and an ADO the next.  When I come back I will work 4 day weeks until mid-september and then I will be working 7 days a fortnight.  Which is still more than I would really like but I'll see what happens come December and make a decision then.

Himself and I have been looking on line for somewhere to stay and he popped into a couple of real estate agents with little joy.  We went down to the golf club on Friday and stayed the night with friends down there.  Yesterday morning I rang the number of some serviced apartments close by the new place.  We were told we could have a studio apartment for $770 a week.  That is a lot but we realised we would have to pay for the convenience.  We went and had a look.  It was tiny.  And damp.  And dark.  And smelled of stale urine.  The woman told us she had a better apartment in another location that we could have for $1000+ a week.  We said we would think about it.

Himself had been given the name of someone who might have something and I rang her.  We met her at the property and were delighted.  It's right on the beach, 2 bedroom, fully furnished and light and airy (and smells of nothing!).  And is $800 a week.  I am thinking of this as a holiday.  Even though we will be working there will still be opportunities for walks on the beach and general relaxing.  And if we went away for a holiday we would have paid that and then some for accommodation.  And Three can (and probably will!) stay with us.  He will spend some time with One and Fireman Sam and some time with us.

Two is going into hospital tomorrow to have his jaw broken and reset.  Then he will come here for a couple of days.  He was over for dinner last night and is quite looking forward to it.  I hope we can keep his pain well controlled.

I need to go and do some more packing!  We are surrounded by boxes of stuff waiting to go to the storage facility but I still have quite a bit to pack up.  It's strange not having a house that is emptying as we are leaving all the furniture behind.  I must remember to check behind things to make sure I haven't dropped something and forgotten about it.  Could be embarrassing! 

Needless to say my coping strategies have been appalling.  With the inevitable results.  Now that things have settled down and the outlook is less bleak I have no excuses (other than addiction to an unhealthy lifestyle).  I do, however, need to remember to be gentle with myself.  And stop the all or nothing thoughts.  I have slipped back into the old way of thinking that I have to be perfect in all things or not bother at all.  So, surprise surprise, I end up not bothering.  Add a bit of 'don't deserve to feel/look good' into the mix and you end up with a very sorry state of affairs.  This will change.

And on that note I will go and pack something and then go for a walk.

GRRR

Long story short(ish)

• The builders initially indicated that we would be in by mid august.
  
• they have installed the wrong kitchen 
• Now we are looking at anywhere from 6 weeks to 8 weeks and then some
• although they can't blame that on the wrong kitchen
• but they are
• We have been given a customer service contact person
• He knows shit
• I could go on
• but I won't

4 weeks and we won't be here.  not sure where we'll be but it won't be here!  

We have been offered places to stay so we won't be homeless and we may rent a motel room or something.  It's the cats I worry about.  They will be in the cattery for at least a month and that's what makes me really cross cos if they'd given us this timeline from get go we would have moved out sooner and rented somewhere where we could have had the cats (and Three, although he's looking forward to staying with One and Fireman Sam).

On the plus side I have a day off tomorrow (de-greying and a walk or a sit and read - depends on the weather) and then we are going down to the golf club for dinner.  

And I know that whatever happens, this time in 3 months we will be in our new house.  

Blood might have been shed in the interim ...

Happy Birthday, One!

It's been quite a year!

He tried for, but didn't make, the Fire Brigade.

He has moved on from his relationship with LGF and they remain very good friends.  I'm still hoping he finds true lurve with a noice girl.

He has done very well at work and his boss is very happy with him and his pay packet reflects this.

And the big thing for him was moving out of home and into a shared flat with Fireman Sam.

But the biggest thing for me is to see my first born all growed up and happy.  What more could a mother want?