A demon faced

I went to work today to have lunch with two of my colleagues.  We ate in the hospital cafe.  It was a strange feeling but good to catch up with them and we will stay in touch.  I wanted to say goodbye to a particular person but couldn't as I started to tear up.

Dr Teacher will sign my stat dec and I will get Himself to drop it and my security pass and keys back next week.

Then it's time to move on.

Life's never dull!

Yesterday I went shopping with Three.  He finally had a day off and we needed to get some Christmas stuff from the store that he works for and he needed to pay the balance of his 21st pressie trip to Bali.

We went to the new improved (a matter of opinion) Chadstone.  Lots of bling.  And security guards all over the place in the classy section (Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Hilfiger, Tiffany etc etc etc).  I remember when you could nip over to Chadstone in your tracky daks and runners to grab a few things and wouldn't look out of place.  Now you almost need to dress as if you were going to the races!!

Three and I went to the Perfume Connection and bought stuff for One and Two and their girlfriends.  As we were taking those goodies back to the car I tripped over a speed hump in the car park (poorly lit) and did a spectacular full frontal dive along the ground.  Three was yelling "MUM, MUM"!! and some bloke came over to see if I was OK (I only saw his shoes!).  At that point I think the ego was more damaged than any other part of me but as the day wore on my right knee became very sore and swollen.

And the ego is still smarting!

I received an email from HR saying I could submit a statutory declaration instead of a medical certificate so duly purchased a stat dec form, filled it out and took it to the local cop shop to be witnessed.  Only to find that they don't do that anymore (even though any police officer can witness them according to the instructions).  So I am now trying to find someone to witness the damned thing so I can get it to work early next week.  My plan was to drop it off today.  Doctors and pharmacists can witness and there are plenty of them at work but I would have to explain the whole thing again and don't want to go there.

I'm about to head of to my PT session - no running today! - and then will see what the day offers.

Swearing sometimes help

I finally plucked up the courage to go and see a doctor about a medical certificate for the remaining two weeks of my notice (a grand total of 5 days!).  Because we haven't been down here for any length of time I don't have a GP to call my own.

I went to the local medical centre and the fucking prick told me he could give me 2 days ... today and tomorrow.  This was after going through the whole thing again and getting upset.  He then had the fucking gall to tell me that my mental health is important and I should look after it.

Now I understand why there are notices all over the clinic about appropriate behaviour!  If I wasn't so upset and feeling so stupid and worthless I would have called him for all the bastards under the sun.

And now I am taking my red blotchy tear stained face to the gym!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Feel a little bit better ...

Later...

I went to gym although I was very tempted to cancel.  I told Matt (my PT) what had happened and he trained me hard which is what I needed.

Tomorrow I will ring the HR department at work and find out what my options are.  To tell you the truth, I don't really care at the moment.  I'm not going back.  What can they do?  Sack me?  Dock my pay?  And tomorrow I might just be able to make that call to the psychologist.  It's just so embarrassing to sob over the phone to a total stranger!

Ensuite's gone!

The tradies arrived at 8.00 as promised.  I had gone for my walk at about 7.15 leaving himself at home.  I sort of expected that he would have removed the stuff from the shower ... HAHAHAHA!!!  So I was emptying the shower and clearing MY stuff off the bench (left his!) while the foreman was trying to explain what needed to be done.  The guy that destroyed the bathroom was charming and the noise was less than I expected although still unpleasant.  He finished quickly, though, and another bloke came and smeared some smelly stuff all over the floor.  He will be back tomorrow for another coat.  The tiler will be here on Friday so hopefully we will have it back by early next week.

I really, really hope they get it straight this time.  The first time they had to rip it up was because the shower wouldn't drain properly.  The shower drained OK after that but the shower screen and tiles didn't line up and it looked wonky.  Apparently that had something to do with the fact that the original floor tiles weren't laid straight so EVERYTHING has gone (except the bench) ... all the floor tiles, the shower base, the shower screen and the loo!

There is obviously something not right with the drainage in the garden.  Half the plants are flourishing (fortunately that includes the espaliered camellias) and the other half are rotting.  The planters on the balcony are doing OK which is promising as we get a lot of wind.  I make sure I give them all a good drink on windy days and have been rewarded with a tomato plant full of flowers (and two baby tomatoes) parsley, rosemary, mint and thyme. I used the rosemary and parsley in dinner tonight.

I am pushing on with the cross stitching but as I have other projects I need to start or finish (or both) I don't know if it will get done by Christmas.  I bought something on ebay for Mrs Other and am thinking about buying The Aunt an angel from ebay as well.   Two wanted a print from National Geographic which I have ordered.  I hope it arrives in time.  I really need to sit down and make some serious lists.  Presents, food for the three days, people to invite (although it's usually the same culprits each year) and other bits and pieces.  I also need to make an appointment to see the Dr this week and must pluck up the courage to ring the psychologist that work put me on to.

And on that note I think I'll toddle off to bed.

RAIN!

After a couple of very warm to hot weeks a cool change came through on Friday and today it's bucketing down.   The courtyard is flooded - we need to get someone to come and have a look at it and make some suggestions.  We have always lived in areas with sandy soil and although we are only a kilometer or so from the beach the soil here is very clay like and we're not sure what to do with it!  I'm guessing we need some serious drainage.  I'd be happy to have less garden and more pots.

Himself was in Sydney overnight Friday and caught an earlier flight home so got back just after I finished the boxing session.  He persevered through the day on no sleep and finally succumbed in front of the telly just after dinner.  We have no plans for today and it's rather nice just flopping around the place listening to the rain.  We have a hard rubbish collection this week so he will need to get a wriggle on at some stage and put stuff out on the nature strip.  We've only been here 12 months so there shouldn't be too much!

I am still not over the work thing.  I have to get another medical certificate this week which I'm not looking forward to as I'll have to go through it all again.  Last night I had a most unsettling dream about the place and what had happened which left me feeling very down when I woke up.  Also, a conversation with an ex-colleague (who has become a friend so we will stay in touch) indicates that the boss seems to think that I'm the only one with a problem.  Hopefully she will come to understand that the whole department is on the brink of melt down if she doesn't change things.  I don't think she will ever have that insight so it's up to higher management to keep an eye on things and I really can't see that happening.

OK.  I've spent enough time here and it's time I went and did something constructive!  Cross stitching here I come.

We are having our ensuite ripped up AGAIN tomorrow (3rd time lucky) and that will be noisy.  Hopefully the sewing room with the door shut and my iPod LOUD will be a sanctuary.

two steps forward half a step back

I had an exchange of emails with the coordinator from work.  I will not be going back.  I hope things change for the department as it is a good team but time will tell.  At least by doing what I did I have helped get the issues out into the open and those that remain now have people they can go to if things start to slide.

So time to move on.  Feelings are still raw and a manager from one of the wards rang me earlier to say she was sorry to hear I had left.  That was unexpected and made me feel sad but good!

I had lunch with a friend today and her problems with her children make mine and many others' fade into nothing.  How sad when you love your kids but don't want to be with them because they call you every foul name under the sun and accuse you of being a bad parent because you remarried.  Among other things.

Orange soy pork for dinner so I'd better go and get the necessaries.  There is a big new supermarket near here but of course the car took its usual way home from lunch and I ended up on the wrong side of the railway line so will have to head back out.  Must remember NOT to turn off at my usual spot so I only have to make one trip!

One step at a time

I did sleep quite well last night and woke at 7.  Got up at 7.30 when the alarm went off (had promised Three I'd wake him for TAFE) and went for a lovely walk down to the beach.  My mind was still going at a million miles an hour but the walk helped.

Breakfast, shower and then off to Myer for a Lancome facial.  Ah, bliss.  Bought some lovely new skin products and some makeup and got a gift pack with lippy and mascara and all sorts of goodies.  I have never been confident with makeup but the lovely ladies at Myer Lancome have shown me short cuts and now I don't go out without some colour on my face and have learned to apply it for different occasions.  Finally!!!

When I got home there was an email from the person who had dealt with most of yesterday's fallout.  I replied with how I was feeling and how I had been feeling at work for the past several months.  He rang me and we had a good chat about things.  He encouraged me not to make any monumental decisions just yet and to wait until I feel a little less fragile over all this.  It really has rocked me to my core.  He will be talking to my boss (ex boss, I suppose) on Monday and everything will depend on how the hospital chooses to handle the situation.

So for now I shall try and relax and get mentally better again.  The sad thing about all this?  There are no winners.  I know that my boss will be devastated because what she has done has been done with good intentions but that doesn't make it right - especially when she has been told by several people (at least a couple with far more experience than she) that there is an issue and refused to address it.

OK.  Enough for now.  I could go on and on but that won't help me and won't change things.

I allow myself to lick my wounds but not to dwell.

worse and then better

Today was godawful.

I have been given a fortnight off on stress leave. I have spoken at great length to our HR department about my boss.  I have come to realise that as a department we have been subjected to behaviour which is tantamount to bullying.

I am relieved about this because I really believed that I was the one with the problem and that I was somehow tainting my colleagues.

I never thought of myself as a victim but it's good to know it wasn't my fault and that nothing I could have done would have made a difference.

The organisation has done the right thing by me and for this I am grateful.  I hope that the two colleagues who remain in that department will also have the right thing done by them.  It would be terrible to think that the past two days have been for naught.

Himself is in Sydney and I'm hoping that I will have a good night's sleep tonight.

blah

Today I quit my job.  I finish in 4 weeks.  I don't want to leave my place of work but can no longer work in my department for my current manager and she's not likely to be going anywhere soon.  I am not the only one to feel like this but I am in a fortunate position in that I can resign and not stress about bills.  Yet.

Three has been downloading stuff that he shouldn't (copyright stuff) and Himself got The Email this evening.  Not sure what the ramifications will be but you can be sure that Three won't be doing THAT again.  I just hope that there is nothing else waiting in the wings to bite us.

My day could get worse but I hope it doesn't.

HEAT!!

This weekend saw temperatures over 30 (degrees celsius!) with clear blue skies and gentle sea breezes.  Bliss.

Himself and I walked down to the beach yesterday morning and then along the beach for a way.  My calves have been playing up again (legs, not moo) and it was sooooo good to walk in the sea up to my knees.  I'm seeing a physio tomorrow.

Miz S, the reason I have to give up work before getting a dog is that I wouldn't want to leave a pup outside all day when we are at work and couldn't have it inside cos of chewing and the cats.  Good reason to retire, though, don't you think?

One's problem is with alcohol.  He needs to learn his limits.  He recognises this but it isn't always easy.

More hot weather predicted for this week.  This house is so much more heat tolerant than the old one.  As I write this I am looking out across the river with a lovely breeze coming in the balcony doors.

Dinner won't cook itself though so better get a wriggle on.

Slack!

Sheba loves veges.   She rubbed her face and purred over this bag of salad.  Strange cat.

Not sure why there's a tee on the bench.  Probably for the same reason there are golf balls under the couch.

I have been very slack in the updating department.  That is mainly due to the fact that I have nothing to say!

As I mentioned in the previous post the boys came over for dinner on Sunday.  Two had to leave to get back to an editing job and Three went to catch up with a friend (female probably).  Which left One.  Who opened his heart to us about some personal issues he's having.  Can't really say too much at the moment but it was one of those bitter sweet parental moments.  Glad he can talk to us but oy, I feel his pain.  He and ebs are ok but he's got some demons he needs to face and deal with.  Does it EVER get easier?  I doubt it.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Because of Melbourne Cup Day I have only worked one day this week.  Now THAT I could get used to!  We are still toying with the idea of me giving up work altogether and one reason is that we would then get a dog.  That needs more thought.  The work bit not the dog bit!

Tomorrow I have some running around to do and then will get my hair cut and degreyed.  Out for dinner with the usual suspects in the evening and then off to see my Dad for his birthday on Saturday.  I can't believe that it's been a year since we sent him on that Harley ride.  After that I have promised to pop in and see Mrs Teacher.  That could be interesting.  I haven't really spoken to her since she and Dr Teacher split.

And on that note I think I'll go to bed!

Sunday arvo

It's been a lovely few days.

I went with Three to pay for his air fare and accomodation for his Bali trip on Friday.  He and a mate have coughed up for the other two friends who are going who have to pay rent and things and therefore don't have the readies yet but I know they'll get it back.  They are a really good group of friends.

On Friday evening we went to our favourite Vietnamese restaurant with our usual partners in crime and had a great meal and a great time.  Home in time to watch the recorded episode of Midsomer Murders.  Bliss.

Yesterday we went to the butcher and touched base with the Mermaid.  Hopefully she will be out of that damned shop this week.  The ex and his new wife have finally agreed to stump up with some cash and take the business over.  Couldn't go to a better couple!  Their arrogance and belief that they can do no wrong and know soooo much about small business will stand them in good stead to run a struggling business *snigger*!

In the afternoon I went shopping with Sooz.  I bought some tops, a new lippy and a popcorn machine.  And some new towels.

Today was a spuddling day getting bits and pieces done. Including buying a new chair for Two (and one for me for the sewing room - the cheap stool from Ikea is the pits!).  We went to 0fficeworks and found one we liked only to be told they had none in stock.  This really makes my blood boil as it happens all the time with that store.  I asked if they could see if any other store had any and was told they hadn't.  It would take 4 days to get stock from the warehouse (they have stock in the warehouse but none in their stores?) and I would have to pay up front.  Normally I wouldn't quibble about that sort of thing but all the 'assistants' bar one were so unhelpful it bordered on rude.  The one helpful one was going to ring another store to find out if they had any but was told by the others that there were none available.  So we left empty handed.  On the way home we decided to drive a bit further and see if there were any other chairs at another branch that we might like (I refused to deal with store #1 cos of their lack of customer service).  Lo and behold store #2 had THREE of the chairs we liked (at least).  AND they were helpful.  And surprised that store #1 hadn't rung to check as they often get those sort of calls.  So we have two lovely chairs waiting to be assembled and Himself went back to store #1 to complain and was dealt with by an apologetic duty manager who will have a word with those involved.  But I will not go back there again if I can help it.

Roast beef in the oven.  Boys on their way over.  And only one day of work this week.

All in all a very good weekend.