Bah. Humbug.

Yes, I'm being Grinchy!

This Christmas was the best of times and the worst of times.

I must say, though, that the good outweighed the bad.

Even though a significant amount of late Christmas Eve was spent trying to convince Three's girlfriend to get out of the fucking bushes.  And then having to listen to things NO mother should have to hear.

Himself managed to fall ONTO the dog resulting in much squealing from the dog and even more chest beating gnashing of teeth and mea culpas from Himself.  Thank the heavens that Dr Teacher was a vet in a previous life.  Dog is fine.  Tender but fine.  Himself is another story.

Two managed to assist in getting Dr Teacher's new GF's daughter (get all that?) rather pissed today.  That wasn't too bad except Dr Teachers new GF (oh bugger it ... she's called Ms Totally Awesome aka MTA ... OK?!!) ... so MTA kept saying that her daughter (CC ... cool chick) had only had 3 glasses of champagne only we new the truth!

Two and GGF are about to be no longer.  So sad.

However One has been talking a lot about proposing to his girlfriend so that's a good sign.

night night .... it's all a bit too much for this little tabby cat!!

Sad day

After nearly 4 years together Two has decided he is unsure of what he wants from life and is breaking up with GGF.

We are all devastated.  Two included.

What a strange Christmas this will be.

And I seriously wonder how much more I can take this year.  Thank god it's nearly over.

Respite was NOT a howling success!

Dad hated it.  Absolutely loathed it.  And I can't blame him.  I was told not to bring anything other than his clothes as everything else would be provided.  I paid to have his clothes labelled so they could be laundered.  We were told he would have his favourite paper delivered each morning.  And I filled out a form with his likes and dislikes for food.

He went without a toothbrush until Dr Teacher took one in on Saturday (Dad went in on Tuesday).  This was in spite of me asking for one on Thursday.

Dad's clothes were taken away, much to his distress, and returned - unlabelled.

No newspaper - again despite numerous requests.

Dad said the food was awful - which is unusual for Dad.  Sunday breakfast was cold porridge, cold toast and lukewarm tea.  On Thursday he was given bacon and egg with no egg and no fork.

And the best bit?  On Thursday night I received a phone call informing me that Dad had had a fall and had sustained some skin tears and bruising but was otherwise OK and I was receiving this call as it is the facility's policy.  And he had refused his dinner.  I was most concerned about the latter as Dad never refuses food (he is too polite) but when I stressed my concern I was told that I had been contacted re the fall as that was their policy.  I rang Dr Teacher and asked him to go over and check (he's 15 minutes away, I'm an hour) and the facility rang back.  To tell me they had pulled the wrong file and Dad was fine.

Sorry.  good bye.

Mum enjoyed the break and says she has had time to work out some coping strategies.

We'll see.

*********************************************************

Angus.  12.5 weeks old.

Meltdown

Mum is at the end of her tether.  There are things happening with Dad that she just cannot cope with.

Yesterday I went up and asked her what she needed to make it better for her and she replied 'a break'.  So I rang the case manager and she managed to find a respite bed for Dad.

Yesterday afternoon I went and had a look at the place and today we took him across.

It's a lovely facility and I know the care Dad will receive will be of the highest standard.

But.

My Dad's in a nursing home and as I left him today I saw tears in his eyes for the second time in my life.

And I lost it.

He's growing!

Angus continues to delight us.  He is just about house trained.  Nipping is still a bit of a problem but he's learning.  "Sit" and "down" (as in drop) are pretty well mastered.  He is still soft and fluffy and sooo cuddly - so easy to waste  spend time with him.  He has met a couple of the neighbours' dogs.  Mozart, the 8 month old Newfoundland that lives next door, is massive and it was so funny to see them together. Harry, an older poodle x was not enamoured of puppy exuberance and Angus was firmly put in his place.  The cats are getting much better.  Sheba will hiss and, if necessary, give him a bop on the nose with claws sheathed but Tom growls and flattens his ears - not a good sign in a cat so we are still supervising their interactions.

I am so glad we have him.  Himself is besotted!  I knew he would be.  Three can't wait to be able to take him for proper walks but he needs all his jabs first and to be a bit better on the lead (the dog, not Three!).  We will be taking him to obedience school in the new year but in the meantime he is doing well at puppy pre school!

The parents are doing well.  They adore Angus.  He brings them so much pleasure and it's lovely to see Dad laugh at his antics.  I can see Dad slowly going downhill which is very depressing.  Still, he's 92 and if we can have him for Christmas and Mum's birthday in January we will be grateful.

Mental health is OK.  Good weeks and not so good weeks.  Supplements from the naturopath are helping, I think, but I can't stomach the herb mixture.  It tastes gross.  I tried for a week but gave in.  I am meant to take an incredible amount of pills and forget at least one dose a day.  We'll see what he says at my follow up visit on thursday.

Check the little video out on the entry for 29th November on this blog.  I showed Himself and "that was me farting" has already become a catchphrase!!  

A Poem

Tis the month before christmas
and all through the land
Mothers are wailing
and wringing their hands

The stockings from last year
cannot be found;
The tree lights are tightly
knotted and bound

Children of all ages are
writing their lists;
The older they get
the dearer the gifts!

How many people
did we invite this year?
THAT many  (oh shit)
What? Nothing, my dear.

Where is the sherry,
the medicinal grog?
What is that smell?
Oh hell, it's the dog.

Who left the pudding mix
out on the bench?
Please somebody else
find the source of the stench.

Take a deep breath, Self,
All is not lost
We will fill those stockings
Regardless of cost.

Food will be adequate
Wine will flow free
Gifts will be plentiful
under our Tree.

Money's not everything,
It's not worth getting stressed
When we're surrounded by loved ones
we truly are blessed.

SO ....

Tis the month before Christmas
and all through the land
Mothers are chilling
with a drink their hands.

Gifts will be purchased,
Food will be bought
All this will happen
Without too much thought.

So let's all be merry
Let's share in the fun.
And a safe Happy Christmas
To EVERYONE!!!

Meet Angus

He's an 8 week old german shepherd pup.  We picked him up on Sunday from a breeder on the other side (way on the other side) of town.  The cats are not impressed but they aren't frightened of him which I suppose is good.  Blood hasn't been shed yet but I feel it's only a matter of time!

We are learning all about house training and 'no biting' training and 'oh shit he got in through the cat door' training.

I have taken him to see mum and dad twice this week and they love him.  I think it gives them something else to focus on.

Dad is a bit better this week but is definitely slowly deteriorating.

I had my group therapy, psych appt and first consult with the naturopath this week.  I also got a phone call from the GP clinic asking to see me soon ... I'm guessing my bloods I had done last week aren't the best!  Seeing as my psych duplicated most of the tests except cholesterol I'm guessing it's that.  Interestingly I am still peri-menopausal (thank god I had the hysterectomy when I did) and we are waiting for the results from the stress markers.  The naturopath was very interesting and he is prescribing me some herbs and supplements.  I remain open minded.

And on that note I shall end this brief update.  Angus wakes early and I am sleep deprived!!

Fast Friday

Busy week.

Walked on Wednesday with a couple of friends followed by lunch.  Such a great way to past time, catch up and be with people you care about.

Parents yesterday.  Dad had another TIA.  Not good.  Too many which suggests he might be building up for another stroke.  Discussed it with Mum and the feeling is that if he has to have another one let it be fatal.  *sigh*

Therapy on Tuesday.  Loving it.

WW today.  So excited about the new programme about to start.  The biggest change since they brought points in umpteen years ago (and I remember WW pre points - scary!).  Then shopping with a WW buddy. New shoes for both of us - mine sort of planned, hers not so and I had nothing to do with her other purchases!

Out to dinner with Himself and a flutter on the pokies.  broke even.  Would have made a bit if stoopid here had stopped when she was ahead.  Didn't go out with the usual suspects as Himself is having some tummy issues and we take it as we find it so to speak.

Cool change with mega rain came through while we were at the pub so hoping for a comfortable night sleep tonight.

And on that note ...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Happy days are here again ....

Well at least for today and we take these one day at a time.

Three is home with a nasty tonsillitis - poor kid.  At least it's stopped him smoking and I'm keeping my fingers crossed it will last.

On Wednesday I went for a lovely long walk with a good friend and then lunch.  This is becoming a weekly thing that I really look forward to.  Good walks, good company, good food - what more can a girl ask for.  Next week we might have another join us.  Yay.

Yesterday I went and saw the parents.  Dad had a fall on Wednesday but seemed none the worse for wear -  I will get the doctor to check him out.  I rang the village manager yesterday and asked him to send the doc around yesterday afternoon but he forgot!  Not Happy.

After I had seen the folks I took One to lunch (he paid) and then we went to Bunnings and bought a whole heap of plants for his garden.  That's two sons who have discovered gardening.  We bought roses and carnations and other bits and pieces and he was stoked.  Today I went around and helped him plant them and the bed looks awesome.  He is thrilled.

WW this morning.  The new programme is rolled out in just over a week and I can't wait.  Mrs Other was down for the birth of her great nephew and came to the meeting.  Afterwards we all went for coffee and met up with another couple of WWers.  It's great to chat with like minded people about all sorts of things.

Tonight we went to the club with the usual suspects and few more.  It was a good meal with good company.  Then home for some good Brit crime shows.

The happy pills and the therapy are working.  The therapy particularly.  It's so refreshing and reassuring to have the skills to deal with the negative mind play.

Himself is doing well on WW.  4 kilos down and still going.  He has basically stopped drinking (a huge thing for him) and is eating really well.  I just wish he could also find a happy place in his head but work issues make it hard.

Chris has made me some great bags which I plan to give for Christmas presents.  I'm trying to keep costs down this year and if I can purchase from a mate and help fill their coffers then that's even better.  Plus Chris is one talented tart who makes some amazing things.

And on that note I shall try and forget that Christmas really is just around the corner!

*I apologise for lack of photos.  I'll rectify this soon*

Where does the time go?

I could have sworn I just posted but obviously not.

Last week was a bit of a scattered week.  Had my therapy on Tuesday and saw the psych on Wednesday and it all sort of went downhill from there!  One thing the psych did tell me to do was to have a nap in the afternoon if I needed it and I have found it does make a big difference.  The Acceptance Commitment Therapy is also making a big impact.  Not always easy to do but when I manage it I can see the difference.

Baby steps, I guess.

We popped into to see the parents today (Melbourne Cup Day so public holiday) and Two and I saw them on Saturday.  Dad is really struggling with his speech and Mum is frustrated but they are plodding along.  I keep putting a lot of things off (like looking at residential care) hoping that it won't be needed but I am going to have to bite the bullet and do it or we will be caught with our pants down so to speak.  I think I'm avoiding it cos it's not something I want to admit is happening.  Oh well.

It's Dad's 92nd birthday on Sunday and we'll all be together at Dr Teacher's place.  We're all looking forward to that as it will the first time we've all been together since last Christmas and, obviously, since the stroke (or The Event as Dad refers to it).

We went to a 60th birthday party today (Himself's ex boss) and it was lovely.  I was very reluctant (mental illness will do that to you) but I'm so glad I went.

Hopefully will get a good long walk in with my walking WW buddy tomorrow and I'm really excited about the new WW program which will be rolled out in the next few weeks.

Himself has lost 4.2 kgs in two weeks on WW.  I am so proud of him.  I can see the difference.  With any luck this will mean he can avoid a CPAP machine for his sleep apnoea.

And thus ends Tuesday 2nd November, 2010!!!!!

Sunday night dinner again!

I have cheated with the photo.  We are in the middle of getting ready for THIS Sunday but I haven't taken any photos so you'll have to make do with one from a few weeks ago.

So.

What an interesting week this past one has been.

Starting off on a high in Brisbane with SS and his family and then a funeral for Himself's aunt on Thursday.  It was a good ceremony.  It celebrated her life and although there were tears it was probably the most uplifting, positive funeral I've ever been to.  It was a bit of a challenge being open casket.  I've seen many dead people in my work but not in a coffin.  She looked very peaceful.

Himself saw the sleep specialist and as a result is now following the WW plan (under my guidance) and is doing really well.

I started my group therapy (ACT) and so far so good.

I'm still walking almost every day and feel better for it.

And now the whole family has turned up so I shall go and be Mum.

I'm a Grandma!

Stepson has married his partner (Mrs SS).  We went up to Brisbane for the reception (they married in Vegas).

Mrs SS has two gorgeous kids who have long considered SS as their Dad.

On Saturday night GS (hehe) was asked what he'd like to call us and he replied "Grandma and Grandpa".

I'M A GRANDMA!!!!!!!!

Sunday night dinner

We do this every Sunday night.  The kids and their girlfriends and various others come around and we eat, drink, laugh and generally have a good time.

The walking has been going well.  I didn't do an actual walk today but chalked up 8000+ steps doing the housework which is the first time I've been able to tackle it with such a vengeance for a long time.  Yay for happy pills.

Himself had his scopes on Monday which resulted in him being admitted to hospital in a lot of pain from wind retention.  He had a scan which showed no perforation but is going back for more tests tomorrow.  Bits and pieces were removed and sent for testing and he's having another gastroscopy in 6 weeks.

After a while the wind started to dissipate, if you get my drift, and he was allowed to go home with the follow up tests etc.

I had planned to go and see the parents today.  Mum is quite badly depressed so we will have to work out some strategies to deal with that.  She had a friend coming to visit so I didn't end up going today but will be there tomorrow when the doctor visits.

But for now I'm going back to my glass of wine (a really nice lower alcohol NZ sauv blanc) and my book.

storm front photos

I love my pharmaceuticals!

So.

I was up at sparrow's fart (well when my sparrow farts, at least) and headed off the see the psychiatrist.  I do like this woman.  She says "fuck".

She asked me some questions that resulted in some answers that resulted in her making some quite interesting comments.

And she's upped my meds.

Then I came home and went for the planned walk with WW buddy.  We stopped for lunch and it started to rain.  We had no option but to continue to walk back to my place and on the whole it wasn't too bad.  Until it started to hail.  We were drenched.  And happy.  So all is good.

I then went to have my First Ever Mammogram (yes, bad me, ex chemo nurse and all that) and got drenched again trying to find the place.  They gave me a towel I was so wet.  Squeezing bits done and I am confident I will get an all clear.

Then filled the new script from this morning's consult and off to buy wool for Mum.  Not sure if I've mentioned this here before but Mum has taken up knitting as something she can do with her failing eyesight.  Needless to say she produces some interesting scarves but they will be cherished by all who receive them.

A quick visit to the supermarket and then home.  And the weather has been pretty amazing.  I took some good (I hope) photos of the cold front coming across - quite spectacular.  It's now piddling down again, Tom is buried in the wardrobe, a bit of thunder and Himself is cooking dinner.

All is right in my world.

I do love my pharmaceuticals  :)

I want a dog.

One rang me this evening.

I have had a pretty good day today.  Healthy breakfast.  For lunch I chose a weightwatchers soup over the pseudo healthy one!  Decided on cold meat and salads for dinner (and dropped some off to Two and GGF cos she's feeling crook and he's doing freelance when he gets home from work so time is a bit precious).

Then *insert evil music* I saw that Himself was eating chippies so I had some and finished off the box of shapes I opened yesterday (yes, I'm blaming the old bloke - even though I bought the damn things!).  I opened the bottle of McWilliams low alcohol wine and had consumed a glass and a half when ...

One rang me.

To invite me to join him and Ebs on a walk.  I dithered for a minute or two (see above consumption) and then thought "stuff it" and walked over to their place.  Before I left I clipped on the sadly neglected WW pedometer.  We went for a lovely walk with Chloe, Ebs' mother's small white fluffy dog (no idea the breed but you see them everywhere) and Lola, Ebs and One's Pugalier.  Yup, a cross between a pug and a cavalier king charles.  I am not a fan of small dogs but these two were so funny to watch.  Lola is only a few months old and is still at the awkward puppy stage.  We walked from their place down to the beach, along the beach to the river path and then back up the path to our place where we parted.  It took about an hour including pick up time and crossing at lights and stuff and trusty pedo said we walked just over 5 kms.

We have agreed to do this again on a regular basis.

Tomorrow I am walking with a WW buddy.  Well, she was a WW buddy but is now a friend.  We got to know each other better in Adelaide.

So I didn't have as much to drink as I would normally.  Dinner was good and I have no desire to raid the freezer for icecream.

Tomorrow I see the psych again.  Lots to talk about and I'm looking forward to conquering this depression.

In the afternoon I have my first ever mammogram.  Once that comes back clear I can stop worrying about the lump I found a couple of months ago which the ultrasonographer couldn't find.

I really want a dog.  I wonder how I can convince Himself this is a good thing.

And the cats.

never knock back a loving hand

Life has been a bit challenging of late.

I am still supporting mum and dad.  I can't get over the change in the relationship between my mother and me.  I guess good things can come from bad.

Diet and exercise are still on the back burner and health is starting to show the inevitable results.  Combined with some stress and the old back and neck and other bits aren't doing too well.

whinge whinge whinge!

Life isn't that bad.  :)

I see my new psychiatrist again on Wednesday and I'm sure things will be better after that.

I have made some contacts with people from my past.  Some not that long ago and a couple from waaaaayy back.  Gotta love facebook - lol!  It's good to renew friendships.

And on that note I'm off to cook dinner.

More pictures

Canola, as far as the eye can see.

Cape Jervis (I think)

The smudge on the horizon is Kangaroo Island.  One day I'll get there.

Let's explore the rugged coastline of Victoria.  Let's walk on unmade tracks that are full of muddy puddles.  OH!  And let's wear high heeled boots and a short skirt and make our boyfriend/husband carry our handbag for the entire trip!  This was not an isolated couple.

WIND FARM!!!  For some reason I find them really scary.  Sort of like something out a bad sci-fi book.   Even looking at the photos makes me shudder.  OK ... just call me pathetic!

Today I had my pampering day thanks to the money Mum and Dad gave me for my birthday.  A bit of waxing (not really pampering but sets the scene), a mani, a pedi with paraffin - bliss, a gorgeous facial and then a full body scrub followed by a hot stone massage.  Heaven On A Stick!

The down side was that I found some muscle issues that weren't addressed by the massage so off to the physio tonight for some therapy and dry needling.  I didn't realise how tense I've been of late.

 

Now, however, I feel pretty bloody good!  And Three cooked an awesome meal - penne, chicken, broccolini, garlic, chilli, olive oil and parmesan.  Deeeeeelish!

Froggy, thanks for dropping by.  Adelaide is a lovely place to live and visit.  We'll definitely be back.

random thoughts

As promised, here are some photos of the trip.  More may follow but it takes forever to upload them.

This is the view from where we had lunch in the Clare Valley on Monday.  The Clare Valley, as were most wine regions is SA, such a surprise.  So much beautiful wine comes from these regions but they are so small.  Good things from small packages, I guess.

This is from Granite Island off Victor Harbour.  Amazing rock formations.  It really is a lovely place but becoming a bit touristy/retirement focussed.  Folks need to make a quid, I suppose.

These are some of the remaining 8 of the 12 apostles.  This blew me away.  We had driven from Warrnambool up the coast and saw the Bay of Martyrs, the Bay of Islands, Loch Ard Gorge and other stupendous natural phenomena.  This coastline is breathtaking.  I can't begin to describe it.  You drive down the road, see a sign pointing you to a relatively small car park and (bearing in mind it's off season) are lucky to find maybe 3 or 4 other vehicles, if that.  Walks varying from a few minutes to half an hour and you see the most amazing scenery.

We came across the car park for the 12 apostles and, at the risk of sounding anti tourism and racist, I was gobsmacked.  The massive car park was full of coaches and mini buses and cars and the whole area was swarming with Asian tourists.  Helicopters were taking off every few minutes (minimum of $95 per person).  It was almost impossible to see the rock formations let alone take photos of them.  It was late in the day and off season which obviously worked in our favour as did the fact that I chose to take photos from the less picturesque spots.

Don't get me wrong.  We depend a lot on tourism but it amazed me that people drive from Melbourne to see this coastline and then drive back without exploring the more amazing sights further along.

Typical, I didn't take photos at the Bay of Martyrs or The Bay of Islands but this is The Grotto.  A beautiful rock pool with the vision of the ocean beyond.

Himself is on his way to Sydney.  I'm not coping terribly well.  I know we've done this in the past but in the past I had kids living with me.  Tonight I'm on my own and could well be for the rest of the week.  Or, if I'm not, I'll have Three and his girlfriend.  Love Three, not so much the girlfriend.

Time to call it a night.

I'm back

It was a great week.  I met some fabulous women in the flesh (have been chatting on line for a year).  Visited wineries, bought wine.  Went to cheeseries and bought cheese.  Checked out chocolate factories and bought chocolate.

Saw a whale.

Lots of photos but life is busy busy busy so will come back with a proper entry soon.

And if the black dog decamps I will be delighted.

HOLIDAY!!

Well, a mini holiday, but a break away all the same.

I'm almost packed and am about to head off to bed.

Today was another chaotic day which included a "HELP" call from GGF who was sick again.  Took her to the doctor and then for bloods and a CT of her brain.  They found a brain and nothing nasty.

I called into Mum and Dad and they're fine.  A bit apprehensive about the new care provisions but we'll get there.

An awesome take away pizza for dinner.

Three days of fun with 24 wonderful women I've met online (and 4 in person) and then 5 days with Himself as we explore the country between Adelaide and home.

Feeling a bit more positive about the health/weight issues (and will be even more after this weekend).

So ... time to look forward to the future with a positive outlook.

Have a great week.

I'll be back with photos.

Crash and burn

Today GGF had an interview.  Himself and I had offered to drive her.

I woke up this morning and couldn't get out of bed.  Just couldn't face dealing with another human being regardless of how much I love them.

Himself took GGF to the interview and we are anxiously awaiting the outcome.

I have been really struggling of late with a lot of things and was seriously considering booking myself into a psych hospital as my thinking and behaviour has been rather odd.

This morning I realised that I have had a huge amount on my plate.  Not only has Dad had his stroke which was bad enough in itself but I've dealt with hospitals, therapists, aged care assessment people (fantastic), doctors, pharmacies, done shopping, negotiated changing care providers AND I have looked after others on and off (Chippy had facial surgery, GGF needed to be taken to the doctor last week for morphine for a migraine, the kids have had issues, the Mermaid is studying and wanted a hand with her assignment .... and so it goes).

I know I could say no but that's not me and I'm not complaining about providing help for those I love.  But I should have realised that just maybe this could all have had a negative impact on me.

I was going to pull out of my weekend in Adelaide but Himself talks sense and I'm going.

This will probably be the last post until we get home the weekend after this.

Life will return to normal - whatever normal is!!

And now back to writing a letter asking for my parents' case manager to be changed.  Not easy.

A quiet Sunday I hope

Dad has been assessed at high level care.  This means that we will get extra supports at home but ultimately he will end up in a nursing home.  He is unsafe to be left along for any amount of time so when Mum gets her second knee replacement Dad will have to go into a nursing home for respite.  Mum is doing an amazing job of looking after him but has her own health issues and I don't know how long we can keep things going the way they are.

On Friday I head off to Adelaide to spend the weekend with a group of women from the WW message boards.  I feel guilty as hell that my weight loss efforts have been shelved over the past several months (OK - most of the year) but at least they are all like minded women and I'm sure I'll get a boost of determination. Himself will drive over on the Sunday and we'll spend the next week pottering around parts of South Australia.  I'm looking forward to the break but this week will involve quite a bit of organisation to make sure things are in place for the parents whilst I'm away.  Dr Teacher does his stuff and I do mine so I need to make sure I've told him all the things that he needs to keep an eye on for me.

We went out last night for Fireman Sam's 40th birthday.  It was a good night.

I managed to choke on a piece of raw carrot and this morning my back is killing me.  I can only assume that I jarred something or pulled something.

Himself is cooking me brunch so I am going to go and chill for the rest of the day.

Where have the years gone?

This was taken 40 years ago.  I look at it and wonder where my parents have gone.

Surely the fragile, old man who struggles with his speech and the neurotic, anxious woman with memory issues aren't the same vibrant couple?

I think Mum is realising that the man who had the stroke 7 weeks ago isn't the same man who came home on Tuesday.

He was very difficult on Wednesday and she rang me yesterday and told me she could have put him into residential care, it was so bad.

He is better, now, so hopefully it was a settling in reaction.  His cognitive state does fluctuate and when he's good he must be devastated that he can no longer do what he could 7 weeks ago.

*sigh*




Late realisation - both my parents were younger then than I am now.  

Life is a circle.

Whoever wrote that we come into the world mewling, incontinent, incapable of speech and dependent on others and we leave it the same way was right on the money!

Dad came home today and promptly started to do what HE wanted to do regardless of whether he was safe or not.  And when challenged got really shitty.  He wasn't impressed with the plans made for his medications and told me that everything I was doing was totally unnecessary.  That's not to say he's not grateful, but he cannot see that he needs all this support.  His insight is severely limited.

Dr Teacher is over there at the moment and I'll get a report from him later tonight.  For the first time it's Mum that's actually being sensible and has really risen to the occasion.  I just hope that she doesn't overdo it, now, and end up in strife.  But at least we will have paperwork for respite care if we need it.

I have told them I'm not going up tomorrow and I've discussed this with Dr Teacher who agrees.  If it is necessary for one or the other of us to be there everyday then they are NOT living independently and need to be in residential care.  I'm happy to pop up two or three times a week but no more.  And for the record, Mum and Dad were adamant I not go over tomorrow.  So we shall see how they cope.

Getting old is no fun.  I have been told that it's better than the alternative but I sometimes question that, too.

Sorry for the negativity.  It's been a hard day capping off a really difficult 6 plus weeks.

HOME TOMORROW

I pick Dad up from the rehab hospital tomorrow and take him home.  Against the recommendation of "The Team".  Even though they were adamant at the beginning that Dad's wishes be adhered to and he be returned home.

He had overnight leave over the weekend and did fairly well.  It will take time for Mum and Dad to get used to the new living arrangements.  He is used to doing everything and can no longer, and she has got used to doing a lot more and plans to continue.

I am so looking forward to not having to drive 100k a day.  There is a lot that needs to be put into place to make this work but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel.  And, today, it's not a train!

new meds

I went to the doctor last week because I found a lump in my breast which has turned out to be nothing to worry about (I'll have mammogram before I stop worrying completely!).

While I was there I also mentioned my blood pressure (a bit too high) and the return of my depression.  Bursting into tears at the drop of a hat (or even without THAT stimulus!) is a tad embarrassing.  As a result my BP meds have been upped with the result that my BP today was nice and normal.

And I have started back on anti-depressants.  I have been on these in the past and in the past they have worked well for me but I do find the first week or so rather challenging.  Previously I have started on half a tablet a day for a week but this time I was rather desperate so only took half a tablet for two days and then went onto the full dose (this is my dosing regime, by the way, not what the doctor suggested - full tablet from day one -  but I know what has worked in the past).  Anyway, the good news is that my mood is far more stable and I am no longer blubbing all over the place (SUCH a pain!) but the down side is that I am feeling really spaced out in not a good way.  I know this will pass and the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.  I wish I could stop yawning, though!!!

The photo?  Sunrise through mist.  Love where we live :)

Life is looking good again.

Credit where it's due

I saw the OT today and she, Dad and I went through her recommendations.  Apart from the obvious one - that Dad be discharged into residential care to which we said "No", there was only one other we disputed and that was the need for him to be permanently supervised with his mobility.  Everything else was accepted, somewhat reluctantly at times, and all is full steam ahead to get him home for overnight leave on Saturday.

As Other Brother pointed out, the therapists are doing the best for his physical well being but we are as concerned with his emotional well being and we would rather he have 6 months at home with Mum and be happy than two years in a nursing home where he is safe but miserable.  And I am 100% certain Mum and Dad would agree with that.

So the light at the end of the tunnel isn't necessarily a train and I am so looking forward to not having to drive for an hour and half every week day. Life will not return to what it was pre stroke for any of us but at least we can get some normality back.

* * * * * * * * * *

Deep and meaningful communication....

Enough, already.

So.

My week - it could have been less of a roller coaster ride but I doubt it.  There is only so much I can take.

One minute they are telling us that Dad will come home.  Then they're saying that he's not safe.  And it's the FAMILY that are insisting he come home.  We are insisting he come home because we were told that is what would happen, even though concerns were expressed by the family when all this began.  So ... 6 weeks ago I was a bitch of a daughter who wanted to dump her parents into care and now we're the irresponsible children who won't admit their father needs to be in care.  He is coming home for overnight leave on Saturday and Dr Teacher feels this is to show that he can't succeed.  Tomorrow I talk with the Occupational Therapist about her report from last Friday's home visit which, on a heads up from Dr Teacher after speaking to the OT, Dad failed in every respect.

A home visit, for those that don't know, is when an OT comes home with the patient and looks at how the patient functions in the home environment.  Dad tried so damn hard to do everything he was required to.  The thing with these things is that the OT doesn't know what the functional level was before and, to be honest, Dad did quite well.  Considering.  

The thing that broke my heart was the way he hurried up the path when he saw my mother, raced (as fast as he could with his frame) to his chair, sat in the chair, raised the feet and turned on the telly.  His face was priceless.  He was just so happy to be home.  He then did his best in the kitchen showing how he'd cook a meal, tried to back his frame into the loo which he's never had to do before but was copying what mum does (she uses a frame) and got in and out of bed.  I think he did pretty bloody well.

Every since he was admitted to rehab they have 'acknowledged' his desire to go home.  And now they are saying he can't.  Sorry.  It is inhumane to build someone's hopes up like that to be shattered at the last minute.

So Dad will go home.

For how long?  We don't know.  But until we get him assessed by the aged care team (something I was told could only be done when he got home) we won't know what level of care he is eligible for.  And that dictates what level of community support he's eligible for as well.

I shudder when I think of what people must go through when dealing with similar situations when they have little knowledge of the system. 

The word from Himself's company's parent company is that they are shedding staff again.  He is understandably worried about losing his job at his age.  The chance of finding work is slim.  I tell him not to worry until something happens but that is really easier said than done!

To top my week off I found a lump in my right breast a week ago.  I saw the doctor on Thursday and had an ultrasound today.  All is OK but it's been a stressful week I could have done without.

When life gets difficult I can count on a cat to make me smile.  When the dishwasher is on the sink gets warm.  Who said cats were dumb?!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm pretty sure I mentioned that we bought a new bed earlier this year.

Two and GGF inherited our old (less than two years old!) bed and mattress (which was a bit older).

I love love love love love our new bed.

I love its king sizedeness.  I love that Himself and I can sleep together yet apart.  I'm not overly loving that Tom STILL sleeps on my pillow (actually, he sleeps on me!).  But at least there is room to share.

 And I love the new furniture we bought to go with the new bed (seeing as the old(ish) furniture went with the old bed to Two's place).  The bedside tables match the dressing table.

Sheba, by the way, makes good use of any small patch of sun!

Today I spent with mother - took her to the doctor, was there when the aged care assessor came and then took her to see Dad.  Dad wasn't having a good day.  He was tired and this was reflected in his speech.  I tried to negotiate biscuits for Dad with his morning/afternoon tea.  He's managed to get some against the rules and I wanted a definitive decision - and for the speech pathologists to realise that when he gets home he will eat biscuits!  We have reached a compromise whereby if I or Dr Teacher or Other Brother are there he can have a biscuit and dunk it in his tea!

The aged care assessment hasn't changed the level of care but we now have paperwork which will enable us to list mum and dad for low level residential care as a back up plan ... well we will when Dad gets assessed.  The most important thing is that we keep mum and dad together hence the need to list them together with matching paperwork.

So much information over the past few weeks and so, so, so much conflicting information.

Diet and exercise ....

well ....

not really ...

but I keep turning up to my weight watchers meetings and hopping on the scales.  Soon it will all fall back into place.

And now I will read my book (Bill Bryson "At Home" - fabulous book) and toddle off to snuggle down in my gloriously comfortable bed.

Cya

Respite

As I think I've mentioned Other Brother is down and has taken over the mother runs.  He has also been delving into the parents' financials.

He has found some amazing things and we are confident that whatever happens they will be able to fund their lifestyle.

Today Mrs Other and I spent the day together.  We had A Ball!  We shopped.  And shopped.  And shopped.  And had lunch.  And shopped.  And had coffee.  And visited Dad.

Super dooper bonus?  SALES!!  We bought shoes ($330 reduced to $80).  Tops ($100+ reduced to just over $50)  Mrs Other bought a bag ($129 reduced to $40).  Lunch was delicious.  We went to the Oriental Tea House in Chadstone - why would you eat at the food halls with restaurants like these so readily available.  And the gastronomic highlight was coffee and cake at the Lindt shop.  And Mrs Other bought me some macarons (however you spell them) as a thank you.  I can't wait to try them.

Then we went to see Dad.  He was delighted to see me but was quick to point out how long it has been since I visited.  Nothing wrong with his brain!!

Mother is being assessed on Monday for aged care assistance.  Dad will be assessed either just before or just after his discharge.  This will give us the paperwork necessary to start looking at residential care options for the future although fingers firmly crossed that we won't need it.

So life trundles on.

Life rolls on

I have mentioned before that we have an abundance of bird life where we live.  This little fella is one of several that often visit.  Unfortunately this photo doesn't do his spectacular colours justice.

Dad remains in rehab.  He is slowly progressing and the plan is to get him home with increased support. If he can't manage then at least he's given it his best shot.  Other Brother is down and has been going through their financial stuff.  It is scary how little both parents seemed to know about their financial situation and it makes me realise how easy it is for crooks to rip off the vulnerable ones in our community.

Mum is doing OK.  She is trying hard to do more for herself.  I doubt we will ever truly know what she is capable of and what she has been capable of in the past.  She still fusses over food but my attitude is that we have made sure she has access to food (someone comes in every day to heat up her evening meal and there is bread and protein drinks and nuts available all the time) so if she chooses not to eat that is her decision.  We are not going to play those games again.

Two and GGF are in Japan.  We speak to them daily on Skype and they are having a wonderful time.

I am still not working and not sure what my plans are in this regard.

And on that note I shall go and clean out the pantry!  It's long overdue and will make me feel that I am contributing something to the house.

Dad and other news

Thanks for the kind thoughts re Dad.  He is OK.  Not brilliant but OK.  He is in rehab and we had a family meeting last Friday.  I had been lead to believe that the recommendation would be for high level residential care (nursing home) but the meeting turned out to be more positive.  The plan is to get him home but it is unlikely.  He still has great difficulty with word finding although he understands what is being said and read.  His cognitive and physical functions fluctuate dramatically which is of huge concern.  Other Brother was down over the weekend and has arranged for the three of us to assume powers of attorney with the parents' approval.  I now have to get someone to witness Dad's signature - Mum's been done.

In my book the best outcome would be for them both to be assessed for low level care and to get them to move into an appropriate residential facility.  My brothers agree and we are gently heading that way.  Our fears are that even if we can get Dad home, it won't take much to reduce his levels of function and we will be back to square one.

*******************************

Today is One's 26th birthday.  Where have the years gone?  He had a bbq at his and Ebz' new place (very close to us) on Saturday night.  We supplied the meat, the bread, the salads!  And gave him a patio heater for his birthday.  As he pointed out we gave him food and warmth for his birthday!!  And seeing as we have helped with the rent and bond on the new place we can add shelter to that as well!!

With everything that has happened I have decided to make myself unavailable for work for the foreseeable future.  I wasn't really happy with some aspects of the company I was working for; or to be more precise, one person in particular but this person wields a lot of clout.  Anyway, this way I can be available to take Mum in to see Dad every week day if necessary (Dr Teacher does weekends and Other Brother is down again next week so can do some of the running around then).  Also we can do the leg work to get things in place so, hopefully, we won't be caught on the back foot if/when something like this happens again.

Diet and exercise have taken a back seat of late.

Nuff said.

When words fail

My dad is in hospital.  It's looking like a stroke.  Mum rang the ambulance because he couldn't read the newspaper headlines to her as he usually does.

I am shitty because I feel that the ambos and the admitting hospital staff looked at him and saw a 90+ man and figured he was pretty good (and he was on the internet when the ambos arrived - GO DAD!)

BUT ... you can still function during a stroke, people, and the lack of speech should have rung warning bells.  Especially when family keep reiterating that this is NOT normal.

Anyway.  He's now been admitted.  My fabulous brother (Dr. Teacher) is staying with Mum.  I will go and pick her up tomorrow and take her back into the hospital but I couldn't stay there.

Words are failing Dad ... and they are also failing me as I try to support my mother.

I've been hiding

Still not sure if I'm ready to come out.

The Black Dog has taken up residence.  Now I know why I love cats!

Sunday AGAIN?

Two sent me a text message around lunch time asking if I wanted to go for a walk.  I picked him up and we went for a good long walk near One's place ... over 10kms all up.  Not bad for this black cat.

On the WW front things are not going well.  That's not to say it's a WW problem.  It's a Me problem.

Work has all but petered out.  Need to decide what to do now.

Himself is still not 100%.  Mood swings ... ugh.

Mind you, I'm not much better.

Tomorrow is another day.

Youth

Today I have had some amazing encounters with young 'uns.

I spent the day at a defensive driving course thanks to Himself.  His gift to me for our 33rd wedding anniversary.  Hmm.

I had a ball, learned heaps and got to hang out with a fabulous group of brand new drivers.  There was an element of hoon - and it smelt a lot of testosterone.  The girls were amazing and give me hope for future generations of drivers.  Having said that, though, I was also very impressed with certain young men who were able to recognise certain driving traits that could be dangerous and address and rectify them.  This was, in no small count, due to the tolerance and understanding of the trainers.  I can't wait to do the second level and am soooo much more aware of my driving.  This old dog has certainly learnt some new tricks!

Tonight was our usual family Sunday dinner.  Himself, me, the three boys, the three girlfriends and Chippy (friend of One who has adopted (been adopted by) the family.  There was a program on the Australian flag and they all sat down and watched it and created lively debate about said flag.  I was blown away by the thought, understanding and consideration that went into the discussion.  They're now watching Underbelly!!

Tomorrow is a public holiday - this is good!

recoloured!

Three years ago I was fortunate enough to have a colour and style analysis done by Imogen Lamport.  It has taken me to get well into my 50s before I have started to feel comfortable in my skin (and clothes!) and Imogen played no small part in that.  The lovely ladies at the Lancome counter at Myer in Southland have also helped so that I now wear makeup constantly (and confidently).

Imogen has spent the last year revamping her colour palettes and generously offered a free recolour (if that's the word!) to those who have consulted her in the past.  I had it done today and am thrilled with the results.  How exciting to find I fall into one of the new colour palettes (only slight different from the original, obviously!) and interesting to see that a lot of what I have bought recently fits into that palette.

A good reason to knuckle down with WW and my PT so I can go and buy a whole new wardrobe!!

I have been told that colour and style analysis is an indulgent use of money but I beg to differ.  If I follow the guidelines I know that everything will suit and coordinate.  No wasted money hanging, unworn, in the closet.  And, boy, did I have a lot of that in the past.  I threw out clothes I had never, ever worn.  How's THAT for waste?

Imogen also writes a fabulous blog which is entertaining and educational.  Go have a read.  And if you live in Melbourne, consider a consultation.

A bonus of driving to the other side of town was picking Mrs Other up on the way and hitting Doncaster again.  Koko black for breakfast.  Yum!  And within points!!  We mosied around the place looking for something I could buy for Himself for our 33rd wedding anniversary tomorrow.  I WAS A CHILD BRIDE!!!!!  A couple of books and a bracelet from the jewellery booth at the local shops and I'm hoping he likes them.

Work is fantastic.  Unfortunately it will wind down now.  If I could do this all year I would be in seventh heaven.  Hopefully I will be able to do it again next flu season.  In the mean time I might be able to do the teaching stuff and still have to make the final decision about training to be a personal trainer.

What I DO know is that I am never ever again going to work in a job that I don't enjoy.  Life is too short and precious.

Pea, bacon and mushroom risotto for dinner.  Better get started.

Not drowning - waving

Still here.

Busy with my immunisation gigs which will finish in about a fortnight.  I have had so much fun.  Strange but very true!

Healthy eating and exercise not so much but spent today with my sister in law (Mrs Other) who has lost a significant amount of weight with WW and today weighs the lowest she has in 25 years.  GO MRS OTHER!!  Apparently my initial success inspired her to rejoin WW and her current success has reinspired me.

Bed time but I have much to say and just wanted to drop by.

Drop by my own blog.  That's a bit sad, isn't it?!

Tuesday

the tide was out.


So much to say.

So little inspiration.

Thank god daylight saving ends this weekend.  FINALLY.  It is ridiculous that we have to have 6 months on and 6 months off.  The government must have counting issues.

Friday - again!

Where do the weeks go.  It's APRIL next week, for gawd's sake.

In no particular order:

• I turned down another job after sort of accepting it.  I am learning to trust my gut feeling and this just didn't feel right.  It has cemented in my mind that there is a certain area of nursing for which I am NOT cut out.
• I am really excited about training in the fitness area - should start in July ( have I mentioned this?)
• Himself is OK physically but crap mentally
• I had lunch with some women from a group I met on the WW message boards.  They were great and about 20 of us (Australia wide) are meeting in Adelaide in August.  Can't wait.
• I saw the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo today.  It is subtitled but a brilliant film.  Usually I hate seeing a film based on a book I loved but this was fantastic.  I think the subtitles followed the dialogue better than the translation did.  
• I think I'm battling a virus - am feeling dizzy and very ordinary so will toddle off and veg.

Hopefully next week I will be a more attentive blogger.

Friday - praise be.

It's been a shit of a week.

Himself ended up in hospital with chest pain (same as happened a couple of years ago).  He's back home and OK.  I think it's more head than heart.  But what would I know?

One has admitted he has a serious problem with alcohol.  He is doing a fantastic job dealing with this but it still hurts to see a kid in distress.

Two is having major career issues.  Doesn't know what he wants to do and is fed up earning the bare minimum.

Three is heading for some challenges with his latest girlfriend.  I hope he can stand his ground.

I gained 1.2 kgs at WW this week (no surprises there).

I am enjoying the immunisation stuff but need to make some decisions about future career paths.

Next week will be better.  It has to be.

*******************

Tomorrow is Saturday...

Dr Teacher and his new lady are coming for dinner.
New bedroom furniture may be delivered (if not tomorrow then next week - new bed ensemble coming on Monday).
Saturday is the start of my WW week so look out fat cells, I'm coming after you.
Catching up with some WW online friends on Sunday.

Next week is looking better already!

This is why I love living where we do

We often see pelicans flying overhead.  These two were taken from the path that runs along the river behind our house.

I found my camera cable!

Whenever Himself sits down at his computer Thomas plunks down on his arm!  If Himself takes too long fiddling around Tom will sit and meow until Himself sits down and lets Tom on his arm.  And if something takes Tom's fancy he will swat the screen.

Remember I told you Himself was getting a tattoo for his 60th?  Well, this is it.  It continues right under the arm with more lotus flowers and water effects.  Not everyone's cup of tea (as Mother In Law keeps reminding us!) but I like it, Himself likes it and the boys like it.

Tomorrow morning I'm up at 5.00 to drive into the city to collect vaccines and be at my first immunisation gig by 7.15.  I'm working til 11.30.  Then on Thursday I'm working in the afternoon.  I have 9 of these ranging in numbers of vaccinees and hours allocated.  I've toyed with the idea of signing up with several agencies but thought I might get overwhelmed.  There is one other agency who might contact me and if I'm available I'll do a bit of work for them.  I also got a call today from the woman I spoke to back in January about doing home health assessments for local GPs.  That will kick off shortly and I can do them when I feel like it.

I am also investigating becoming a personal trainer.  My initial reaction when my PT suggested it was that I was too old, too overweight and too unfit.  As he pointed out women of a certain age prefer to be trained by someone who has trodden the same paths they have.  So that's another iron in the fire.  The immunisation work will only be for a couple of months; the health assessments are ongoing but I don't know how many will eventuate and the PT work would probably take some time to establish.  But I feel positive about my job prospects and at the moment it looks as if I can stay out of the hospital environment which is great.

We are experiencing a lovely late summer/early autumn spurt of warm weather.  Coolish nights but warm days - bliss.

Yesterday One and I went for a walk.  It was meant to be a short walk along the beach as we had a bit of a heart to heart about some issues that have been troubling him.  We walked for over 3 hours!  I haven't worked out how far we went but it was a lovely LONG walk.   Inappropriate footwear (thongs/flipflops) left me with a doozy of a blister on the sole of my right foot but One and I have agreed to do it again when we are both wearing decent shoes and carrying water!

And now I'm heading back out to the balcony to continue reading my book in the late afternoon sun.

Wild Weather!

Melbourne had a massive storm yesterday.  Fortunately where we live was not badly affected which is unusual as we are usually in the path of weather when it blows up from the southwest.  This seemed to come more from the North.  Buildings were damaged, cinemas evacuated, flooding everywhere and hailstones the size of golf balls!  Two rang this morning to say he had been called into work as they were badly flooded (South Melbourne) and there is a lot of very expensive equipment they were hoping to salvage.  Once the power was restored!  GGF worked last evening and said the queues for cinema tickets were horrendous as three major complexes were shut down due to flooding and they were all directed to her complex!

There is more forecast today and the radar shows a large band to our North but still too far away to work out if it will hit Melbourne or slide away.

I lost another 1.1kgs on Friday taking me to a total of 11.3 kgs lost since I started this on 30th October last year.  Not as fast as I'd like but I keep reminding myself this is the way to do it.  It's still more than 500 gms a week on average.  I'm still waiting for someone who doesn't know I'm on WW to notice but I have received positive comments from those that do know!

The boys and 2/3 girls will be over for dinner.  I have cooked a lasagne but GGF and I will share a fillet steak as my lasagne contains massive amounts of butter and milk and cheese!  I have also made a lemon tart which is a WW recipe and it looks and smells delicious.  Almost dinner party standard.  If it tastes as good as it looks and smells then I will certainly make it for company and just pretty it up a bit.

GGF and I saw Dear John.  It is still not something I would see out of choice but it wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated.  The characters were a bit shallow and the plot was rather weak.  The kids saw Alice in Wonderland and all said it was great so GGF and I will see that next Friday.  She doesn't mind seeing it again.

I might venture out for a walk before the rain hits.  There should be quite a bit of water at the top of the river.

It's Autumn!

In Australia we divide our seasons neatly into 4 equal 3 month blocks.  The fact that the weather seems unaware of this division doesn't matter.  It's officially Autumn so I can live with 30+ celsius days knowing that it IS Autumn and the cooler weather is just around the corner.  And most nights get cool enough to be comfortable.

I've had a reasonable week.  Mother is doing well.  She was moved to rehab on Monday and was dismayed to find she was sharing a room.  To my utter surprise she told me today that they had offered her a single room this morning and she turned it down as her room mate is quite pleasant!  She is working hard at her rehab and should be home in a week.  This is completely opposite to her behaviour 12 months ago when she broke her hip.

I caught up with my ex-colleagues for dinner on Tuesday and it was most pleasant.  And apart from the way in which I left I am not sorry to not be working there.  Nothing has changed.

My PT is on his honeymoon so I have had a couple of sessions with another bloke and he his great.  I really feel that I have worked out.  Which puts me in a bit of a dilemma.  I would love to stay with Mark but that could be really awkward so I need to work out how to either get Matt to train me like Mark does or see if I could do one session a week with each of them.

I played 9 holes of golf on Monday with Sooz.  It wasn't a serious game and I enjoyed it.  I do want to get out more but not at the club just yet.  That is TOO intimidating.

The house got a big clean yesterday and it looks great.  WW with GGF tomorrow (hopefully I will undo the 100gm damage I did last week) and then the movies.  Last week we saw Valentine's Day in Gold Class.  We had a ball.  It was much better than I expected and Gold Class is fabulous.  Tomorrow she wants to see Dear John which would not be on my list as it's meant to be a real tear jerker.  I would rather see A Single Man but can do that by myself one day next week.  GGF gets the tickets for nothing so I really can't complain!  And I'm seeing films I wouldn't normally see.  All the boys and girls are going to see Alice in Wonderland tomorrow evening.  I was invited but it's a late session and I'd feel a bit out of the loop going to see a movie with a bunch of 20 somethings!  That's another one to see on my own, I think.  Unless Two and GGF love it so much they want to see it again as they did with Avatar.

A long weekend this weekend which doesn't affect me but it will be nice to have Himself home for 3 days.  The weather forecast is a bit grim but there is always a book or a jigsaw puzzle or a movie!

And on that note I shall go and hang out the washing.

Sun burns!

I had a lovely day.

My ex-colleague came down today and we went for a lovely walk along the beach.  She wore a hat.  I didn't!  It didn't feel hot: there was a lovely breeze and it was a perfect day for walking along the beach.

I wore a very fetching T-shirt with scoop neckline.  I now have a not so fetching red patch corresponding to said scoop neckline!

We had lunch at a local cafe and had a good natter.

I also got a couple more immunisation gigs so am feeling a bit more positive on the work front.

Tomorrow Himself and I plan to have dinner with just the two of us rather than the usual suspects.  We can talk about all my issues related to work and finances.

WW tomorrow.  Not expecting a loss after the developments of this week and my usual coping mechanisms but I still weigh a lot less than I did 4 months ago and that is good.

Autumn might be just around the corner (for us southerners!) but the sun still has oomph.

Don't forget to Slip, Slop, Slap!