I have 6 minutes to write an entry

The Bill is on in 6 minutes!

Mother rang this morning. She rang to ask my advice!!!! She has decided that buying off the plan is a good thing (after yelling at me when I suggested it that she didn't want to wait for ever for a place to be finished and didn't want to live in a construction zone).

An agent for one of the companies will pick them up on Saturday and drive them around. This was her first choice but after the weekend she has decided she likes the one that is still being built. However, this is a close second so they can have a look and then put their names down if they like.

They are seeing the new units on Monday and I'll go and meet them there in the late afternoon after building has stopped and then they are going back on Wednesday to discuss everything in more detail. If there is still a place available and they can afford it I'm sure they will put a deposit down which means they will be moving late May early June.

Himself is trying a new hotel next week. It will mean a cab ride there and back from his office and I still think he needs to be in an apartment. There are some political issues going on up there at the moment and he has said that if the shit continues he will come back to Melbourne as there is some work coming up here. I doubt that will happen as the bank is very happy with him and will kick up a stink if he goes. He is the only one that treats them like a valued client rather than someone who is locked into a contract and has no say. Silly colleagues. The bank has signed a contract but that contract will need to be renewed and if the company continues to treat them the way they do then the contract won't be renewed and there goes a HUGE bread and butter client.

Two and Three are home. We had pizza (I won't be writing on my weight loss blog tonight!).

Now to assert my rights over the telly and watch MY programs.

I love swans

When I first came to Australia I was awestruck by the exotic beauty of a black swan. I was used to seeing white swans in England. Now, a white swan seems rare and unusual! I still love the black ones, though. We had dinner in a floating restaurant on the Saturday night and these magnificent regal birds floated (ok, swam but with no discernable effort) up to the deck where they waited to be fed by the owner.


I am finding the whole posting photos here a bit of a pain. With OD I could place the photos where I wanted them but I'm not having much success here.

Anyway. The bottom photo was taken at the Entrance itself. From one of the two concrete piers that stick out into the ocean and create a permanent entrance. The colours of the water are amazing and I just loved seeing two little tackers fishing and having a wonderful time ... even if they only caught tiddlers.

When white men first came to the area the lakes were fresh water and the entrance shifted according to the tides. White men decided that a permanent entrance would allow fishermen to access the sanctuary of the lakes but still be able to fish the abundant waters of Bass Straight. The entrance was built and the lakes are now salt water.

I am not in a position to pontificate on the wisdom of this decision. There is a lucrative fishing industry and a glorious lake system which teems with wild life.

Would I suggest the entrance never be built? Not my call. Is there evidence of irrevocable damage to the ecosystem? Don't know but the current ecosystem appears to be very healthy. Would I recommend a similar action today? Absolutely not. What was done 100+ years ago was done with the best intention and in a relatively small area.

These days we seem to make environmental decisions that have global impact to benefit people who don't rely on the areas in question for their survival.

I love Lakes' Entrance and I hope it remains a unique example of engineering expertise of the late 19th/early 20th centuries. And I hope we never tamper with nature like this again.

And I realise that we will continue to fiddle with nature to suit our own short sighted ends.

Our arrogance as a species never ceases to surprise and sadden.

More cat p*rn

Sorry, but she looks like she could be posing for Playboy or Penthouse. Not that I've ever actually seen one of those magazines. I understand the articles are pretty interesting, though.

My shoulder was quite tender yesterday and is still a bit achy today. But I enjoyed work. Until I rang my mother yesterday afternoon and copped a load of flack over this retirement move. Every suggestion I made, comment I offered or observation I made was met with snorts of derision or condescending sighs. The verbal equivalent of the cat's bum face she makes when we are in the same room.

I realised today that my mother is very competitive when it comes to other women, especially those to whom she is related. She has a love/hate relationship with her own sister, makes belittling comments about any women she spends time with (except those who tell her how wonderful she is) and, even though she asks for my opinions/advice, bristles whenever I say anything that is contrary to her beliefs, etc. My brothers, on the other hand, are perfect and can do no wrong. They know everything. And Other Brother is never ever wrong. If he happens to express an opinion about something he has no experience of (child rearing for example) mother quotes him as an expert. What would I know. I've only raised 3 boys!! It's not OB's fault. He is just participating in a conversation but mother quotes him as the fount of all knowledge.

Yes, I have huge issues with my mother. Realising today, however, that it's ALL women made it so much easier for me. And I looked back to my teenage years and the horrible time I had of it (I left home as soon as I could to get away from her) thinking that it was only me and therefore I had to be the cause, and felt a huge sense of relief. Yes, there is still a lot of work I need to do and that is one reason why I have this journal. It helps me far more to blurt everything out and come back and reread later, than it does blurting to a counsellor/psychologist/psychiatrist.

In 2004 my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and for the whole year before my mother was obsessed with the plans. She booked a room at a local heritage listed mansion that does weddings and so forth and where they often had lunch. She ended up seeing herself as the lady of the manor (an english reference!) and her behaviour was Most Odd. It also caused some bizarre conversations between her and me. She accused me of saying nasty things about her to my aunt when I was in my teens that my aunt repeated to my grandmother. Grandmother is supposed to have made these comments into an audio tape that was delivered to my mother by my grandfather when he came to visit after GM's death. Mother listened to the tape when noone else was around and then burnt it and has lived with these feelings that I prefer my aunt for years. But I wasn't to mention this to my aunt (I was prepared to ring her and find out if this was true but mother freaked out!). Grandparents are both dead. This whole thing came out of the blue one day when I was summonsed to give advice over seating arrangements for The 50th. In the past I would have dissolved into tears and sworn undying love. This stems from my teenage years when Dad would wake me very late on Friday nights to say that mum was going to leave because I didn't need her. And I had to get down and grovel and plead and pledge undying love to convince her to stay for the sake of my father (who adores her but is putty in her hands) and my two younger brothers. I now see the manipulation but when you are 17 and in a brand new country and have grown up being told that your mother is the centre of your universe and should always be, it was a difficult call for me to make.

Wow. Something's opened up that can of worms! I think it's because she is playing the games she played between Dr Teacher and I over The 50th. She has always played the three of us off against each other which has been easy when we all lived in different states, but we are now in contact and Dr. Teacher and I make sure we communicate with each other as soon as is practicable after a conversation or visit with mother to make sure we each know exactly what's been said.

After the conversation about my aunt and the tape I made sure that I was never in mother's company alone again. Dad doesn't count as he is deaf and will remove himself from the room if things get awkward. {Interestingly, if the whole tape thing was true and she was as upset as she claimed to be (I'll explain in a moment) I would have expected Dad to be in the same room when she confronted me. He left looking a bit embarrassed. Apparently she had started having nightmares about it just weeks before mentioning it to me, which happened to coincide with a renewed relationship I had developed with my aunt a couple of years prior (after not speaking to her for nearly 30 years after being told by mother that aunt totally disapproved of my relationship with Himself) and my aunt's imminent return from an overseas trip which she took after surgery for breast cancer.}

After The 50th we were all concerned that mother would fall in a hole as it had been all consuming for nearly 12 months. She volunteered at the local op shop and seemed really happy until all this retirement village thing started a month or so ago. She was almost normal and I finally ventured into her company alone again. Not any more.

I realise that I am very screwed up with all of this. And sound quite paranoid (ie it's her word against mine that she is being nasty cos she never says it in front of anyone!) but I'd rather have other people around as she is then on her best behaviour and I don't have to deal with the crap. Fortunately, Dr Teacher has witnessed some of her behaviour towards me and understands where I'm coming from.

Enough. There will be plenty more over coming months. Tomorrow Himself and I are taking them to see a village in Forest Hills that I know she will dislike as we had a drive through today. She has her heart set on a village from a particular company which is fine as there are several in areas that would suit.

Enough, I said. No more.

Himself has the bbq on. We are having steaks, baked tatos and salad. Just Him, Me and Three.

The door bell just rang. Three answered it and there was noone there. But there were some kids (about 10yo) pissbolting up the street. And others following. He whistled. They stopped. He challenged. They denied but dobbed in their mates from the same house! He told them that if our door bell rang again and there was noone there he knew where they lived and would come and talk to their parents. Chastised kids went indoors. This is a new family that have just moved into a place they have spent several months renovating. Good way to endear themselves to their neighbours! Probably just as well it was us and Three answered the door. And Three, of course, who was no angel as a kid, is quite chuffed with himself. 'Mum, I didn't yell or swear, I just asked them not to do it again but if it did happen I would come and speak to their parents'! I think he has just had a taste of adulthood and rather savoured it!

Time for steak and telly.

I will be back to regale with more stories of my dysfunctional relationship with my mother.

Don't count on me to help you in an emergency!

Don't you love her smile?

Today I spent on a training day for ensuring our work environment is safe and aggression free. The morning was theory. Apart from the uncomfortable chairs in the lecture theatre it was very interesting. We covered threats from patients and relatives (and other sundry trouble makers!!!) and also bullying and harassment from within the workplace. The person conducting the course had some great stories to illustrate what could have been a very dull morning.

In the afternoon we had the practical side. This involved basic techniques of self defence, how to assess a situation and the best strategy to use (I liked 'run away'). The we looked at ways of restraining a difficult person. We started with two on one which was OK. Then we added another person which meant we could 'take someone down' if needed. And we practiced. On each other. A mate from my unit and I attempted a 'take down' but the 'patient' wouldn't do what we wanted and walked with us. The trainer explained that this happens and explained what to do in the circumstances. So we got more mats out (to break her fall) and did it again.

I think all involved except the 'patient' expected the same scenario. Only this time the 'patient' decided to drop straight away. So her head wasn't caught and her shoulder/upper arm was hurt. On the side that I was in charge of!! She was in pain immediately and taken to ED for a check up. As we were sitting going through the rest of the session my neck, shoulder and upper back started to ache and I had tingling in some of my fingers. I was going to leave it and see how I was in the morning but seeing as it was a potential workplace injury I was a bit concerned. A colleague convinced me to go to ED. The staff there found it most amusing. Some analgesia and a bit of a rest and I was fed up and wanting to go home. I'm still not 100% and my neck and shoulder are still quite sore but buggered if I'm going to hang around ED for the evening. I promised the doctor that if it's worse in the morning I will represent to ED. She offered me the day off but I really don't need it. So I have a workcover certificate stating 'light duties'. Not that we do any heavy lifting in my unit. The 'patient' has some bruising, nothing serious, and has 4 days off work on workcover.

So here I sit. Stiff and sore and sorry for myself and all on my lonesome. Altogether now ... "aahhh".

I'm waiting for Three to get home and he can get takeaway pizza. And I don't think it would be wise for me to play golf on the weekend.

I have to fill out an incident report and will suggest that participants in future courses do not ad lib their roles!!

Himself wasn't exactly filled with compassion. He was more concerned that I nearly didn't get his lotto on! Not really, I just didn't let on that I probably should still be in hospital.

So, Three's just got home and we're going to have pizza and watch crappy tv.

Have a fabulous Friday, folks.

A mixed weekend

The weather was glorious. Sunny with a gentle sea breeze. We didn't do a lot as Himself was suffering with a very sore neck (Arthur Itis) and doesn't wind down easily. He kept ringing home and on Sunday afternoon as we were finishing up a long walk along the foreshore to The Entrance he rang home and Two told him that Three had taken the car into work. Himself was shitty with Three (with good reason as he'd been out boozing the night before and hadn't had much sleep) and I was shitty with Two for telling tales and with Himself for getting shitty when he couldn't do anything about it. Things went downhill from there and the rest of the stay wasn't very pleasant. Still, it was a break and I'll do it again but differently. Maybe I'll leave Himself at home!!!!!

Thankyou, all, for the comments on my previous post. I cannot begin to imagine what that poor family is going through. His mother was on the clerical bank and I don't know if she will be able to face working with us again.

Welcome to my new readers. I always go and have a look at your journals and love finding new places to bookmark. I like writing here cos it helps with my thinking and working things out but it is gratifying to know that other people read it and some even come back for more!!

MizS, LGF decided that she needed to get away (from what, I ask?!) and went to Queensland for a week with a male friend. Just a friend! One never copes well when she's away and suffers from crippling anxiety. He and I had a long conversation on Thursday evening and I suggested that he needed to look at the relationship for a variety of reasons. LGF likes to dress up (the old fart in me sees "tart") and go out partying on her own. She likes to pretend she's single. One doesn't want her to think he's restricting her lifestyle but I told him that he was sending messages that he didn't care what she did and by extension, then didn't care about her. He had had a similar conversation with a mate just before he came home and, surprise, surprise, this mate said exactly the same things I did! I really think One and LGF are way too immature to be as seriously involved as they are. I suggested that it was about time they got a flat but he said she wouldn't leave her family. When I asked if that meant he would be 40 with kids and still living with them he grimaced. If she's not prepared to make the break and move in with him to a proper home then he has to ask himself 'why'. I think that she enjoys the fact that he funds her lifestyle. She was bemoaning her lack of finances and suggested he work a second job. HELL NO!! He works long and hard as it is. He suggested that she get another job (she works one day a week as a dental assistant) but this would not fit in with her lifestyle. She is studying law but shows no real passion for it and One is concerned that she will end up wanting to do another degree which will mean further financial strain on him and more time before they have two incomes.

It's very difficult to see One so miserable. I haven't seen him really happy for a long long time. He has too many responsibilities and she doesn't help him. He cooks for her, tidies their room, drives her around, gives her money ... and she doesn't seem to do anything in return. He is aware that he needs to do something about the relationship but I fear that he will be so overjoyed when she gets back, he will put it all on the back burner ... until she goes away again - and again - and again. I suggested couples counselling. He thought that meant admitting defeat and failure but hopefully he will have a think about it, because as much his friends and I can offer advice, I think a professional will help them so much more. And for the record, his mate is going out with one of LGF's closest friends but is in his 30s and has a lot of experience, maturity and common sense, and doesn't just say what he thinks One wants to hear. He is a lovely bloke and One is very lucky to have him as a friend.

As you can see, I am quite concerned about One!!

Will there ever be a day when I'm not stressing about one of the boys? I doubt it!

Off to hang the washing out, shop for dinner and all the other bits and pieces that need doing.

Life sucks, sometimes

His mother is a receptionist in our department. The police came to work today to break the news. When someone heard her scream they knew "someone has just lost a child". I am pissed off at comments in the media about how he shouldn't have been driving the equipment and his father should have known better. If you can honestly say that you have never, ever, ever, been in a situation with your children where they might have been at risk then shut the fuck up. And if you can, then you are overprotective and doing your kids no favours. These parents will live with this for the rest of their lives and we do not have the right to pass judgement. If you are going to expend energy on this, then do it by sending warm thoughts to this devastated family and making sure that your own family knows they are loved.

LGF as gone to Queensland again. One is doing the anxiety thing again. He is over at the moment and we have had deep and meaningfuls. We are waiting for pizza to be delivered. Himself and I are heading off in the morning to Lakes' Entrance. Hopefully the boys will be OK. Two and Three know what One is like when LGF is away and are making sure that there will be support for him. It's lovely to see the three of them support each other when needed.

I won't be posting til Tuesday at the earliest.

Have a great weekend.

Windy

On sunday night we had gale force winds. These photos don't really show how bad it was but the leaves and branches usually hang limply down.

I am so looking forward to our weekend away. I hope it's a nice place because I would love to make it a regular thing.

Two is filming something for somebody somewhere ... for nothing! But, as he says, he needs to get his face and name out there and this is one way of doing it. Three has gone down to get takeaway Chinese. He complains because I tend to do takeaway with Two more than him. I'm not sure if that's really true but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

A colleague returns to work tomorrow after 6 weeks annual leave. The dynamics of the unit will undoubtably change but at least I know now that it's not all in my mind. Three workmates (who won't be at work tomorrow, mind you) emptied her work trolley of all stock, replaced it with bright yellow kidney dishes (which she hates) filled with stale currant bun and specimen jars filled with diluted apple juice that looks like ... well, use your imagination, extra large gloves (she's an extra small) and covered the drawer with clingfilm. The plastic bag clipped to the side (for rubbish) has had it's bottom removed. Yes, we are very mature.

It's been hot and humid today. Yucko. And the weekend will be in the very high 30s so I'm hoping there will be a sea breeze down on the coast.

Another favourite patient lost his battle over the weekend and there are at least another two long timers whose time is nearly up. So when we get the arrogant, rude, demanding patients it is very hard to continue to be civil. But we do, because we know that everyone handles things differently and we are professionals. But it still makes it damned hard when patients are passively aggressive and/or racist and we had one of each yesterday.

Why do some people treat nurses like shit? We get spoken to like no other profession. The rudeness and unreasonable expectations are unbelievable. We had a patient yesterday who refused to be transferred to the ward at the end of our day until he was good and ready. Even though there was no reason for him not to be transferred and he knew that meant unpaid overtime for the nurse concerned. His comment was she could leave when he was ready for her to leave. I wish I'd known that at the time as he would have been moved to the ward quick smart. Karma kept him on the ward beyond the time of his original anticipated discharge!! He might get home tomorrow. We do tend to take more shit than other professions. Can you imagine a lawyer taking nonsense like that? And I guess we have an image of always being there and being subservient and submissive. BUT THIS HAS TO STOP! We are slowly starting to stand up for ourselves. But the looks we get from some people when we, for example, ask them to move from in front of the drug cupboard/infectious waste bin and washand basin need to be seen to be believed. We are working in very cramped quarters and have signs all over asking relatives to NOT sit with the patient unless it's absolutely necessary (eg to interpret). They can read their magazine in the waiting room, they don't have to sit next to the patient if they are not actively assisting in support or delivery of care.

OK. Enough of my whinge. For everyone of the nasty patients we have 6 who are just fantastic. We just seem to have had rather more of the former over the past couple of days.

But I still love my job.

I guess it's time for an update

So. Here we are again. It's Monday and Himself is in Sydney.

Work has been pretty good of late. I worked today and it was very pleasant. Two people have been on leave and get back on Wednesday. Or at least one of them does. And this person always has an impact on the dynamics of the place. So it will be interesting to see how things go.

Because I'm working Mon-Wed this week I will have 6 days off in a row and Himself is taking a couple of days off so we are going to Lake's Entrance for three nights. It should be a lovely break and if we like the place we are staying at I will make this a regular occurence. Himself will fly home on Thursday and we will leave first thing on Friday. It's about 3-4 hours drive to Lake's and then we can walk along the beach, drive through the bush, visit some caves!, boat on the Lakes or just sit in our apartment. There is also a Day Spa but I think I'll leave that for next time.

I played golf on Saturday. My game is improving very slowly but the company of my two partners in golf is more important. On Sunday Himself and I went for a drive down the Mornington Peninsular which is always conducive for a good chat. We are playing with the idea of buying my parents' house. This would mean an investment for us (if rentals are good in that area) and a potential retirement place although I would like to pull the place down and rebuild if that was financially possible. It would also mean that my parents wouldn't be tied down with time constraints and could stay in the house until a suitable unit became available knowing that the money was sitting there ready. A lot of homwork needs to be done and that's difficult with Himself not being here.

I'm waiting for Two and Three to come home. Three is at work and won't be home til about 10 and Two is ... somewhere and will be home when he gets here! In the mean time dinner is just about ready so I'll go and have mine and see if I can find something decent on the telly.

The weather is heating up again .... :(

I feel like a single mum!

I apologise for the out of focus shots of Tom but I just love his tongue poking out! He was giving himself a wash and got distracted and that's how it stayed for quite a while. Tom is not one to expend energy doing something that isn't totally necessary. And putting his tongue back in his mouth obviously falls into that category.

Anyway, as the title suggests, I am over this commuting to Sydney shit but it look like going on for a loooooooonnnnnnnng time. And I can see problems in the not too distant future. I can cope with Himself not being here (just). I can cope with having conversations by phone (almost). I actually quite enjoy having the whole bed to myself (although it's lonely when you wake in the middle of an anxiety attack and there's noone to say it's ok). I find it really difficult to juggle the day to day dramas of life. Somethings Himself needs to know about and some he doesn't. If a situation can be helped by his input or if a situation will have an impact on him then he needs to know. But if it's just one of those many hiccupy glitches that can be sorted and moved on from then he doesn't need to know. Indeed, if he does know he tries to fix it from Sydney often without knowing the whole story and without checking to see if it NEEDS fixing. Sometimes the boys just need to be able to vent and in the process find their own answers to their problems.

Three started at TAFE yesterday and is very happy. Hopefully he will find the course interesting and pertinent. Also, he's the second youngest in his course which is good as the vast majority are doing the course because they have chosen to and therefore are more likely to knuckle down. I think if Three had gone to university as a first year straight from school he would have ended up spending the whole year in the uni pub but still accruing a massive HECS debt.

Two is enjoying his new job. It doesn't carry the same responsibility as his old one and doesn't have the same temptations (although I think he is pretty well temptation proof now!). The people he works with are all young and he really enjoys their company. It is good to see him happy again. He's still not 100% what's happening with his degree year this year but will go along to the lectures tomorrow. He hasn't officially heard that he's enrolled in the course but has had verbal confirmation and seeing as I have yet to find a university that could organise a pissup in a brewery I'm not overly concerned.

One blew in briefly just before to collect the medicare card so he could be bulk billed at a skin specialist who checks for pre cancerous lesions. LGF organised the appointment and has gone herself. Considering she bakes herself in the sun til she's the colour of old leather (and will have the skin texture to match if she doesn't stop) I was impressed that she had the sense to do this. One has blonde hair with reddish highlights, pale blue eyes and very fair skin. And has been burnt too many times to count so is a very high risk for skin cancer. At least if he gets into the habit of being checked regularly he stands a good chance of having any abnormalities detected early enough. He also picked up an envelope which he thought contained the fine from being snapped by a stationary speed camera last week. The fine was right but the speed and location weren't. Turns out he's been snapped twice (that he knows of!) in the past month. Silly boy.

A good day at work. Sad, but good. And funny! People ask me how I can do this job. When you can stand with a couple of nurses and a patient and laugh til you almost wet yourself over something that one of us have done or said, even though the patient is dealing with a life limiting illness .... that make my job the best in the world. Or watching two people tentatively communicate who end up chattering so much they both don't realise their treatment has finished and they can go home. Or reading the card sent by a patient, who isn't cured but who has finished her treatment for the time being, which is so full of love and gratitude and praise for doing what we do .... that is humbling.

I have the best job. It causes me grief and angst and I find my colleagues (ok - one or two) very difficult to get along with (and have found out recently that it's not just me which makes me feel much better about things so it all might be easier this year) but at the end of the day I come home and know that I have made a difference out there in some small degree. Egotistical? Possibly. But not everyone goes to work purely and simply for a pay cheque. If that was the case, we wouldn't have poorly paid teachers, nurses, doctors (yes, the majority of doctors make very little money), police people, ambulance officers .... hhhmmmm, noticing a trend here? Essential, dedicated but not employed to purely turn a profit. Yes, I am a bit bitter at the moment. Himself tells me stories of employees at his and other companies that earn twice what a good, experienced nurse or teacher would earn for doing bugger all and doing it badly. For companies who are in business to make as much money as possible by providing as little services as possible. Don't get me wrong. A job is good. Any job is good. It's the philosophy behind a lot of companies that leaves a lot to be desired. And the fact the some people can get away with turning in a lacklustre performance day in and day out with no sense of guilt.

OK. I'll clamber off the soap box.

And if you enjoy what you do, then that is fantastic. If you don't ... ask yourself why and what you can do to change it.

And when I grizzle about my job again (which I'm sure to do!) remind me how lucky I am~

Sheba and the carrots

Just another day

I found the lead for my camera and now I can't upload onto Blogger. Maybe it wasn't an ugly fat filter after all!! I think some of my settings are buggered and I have no idea how to fix them. KIIIIDDDDDSSSSS!!!! Two is useless at this sort of thing, Three is at work and One won't be over til Wednesday.

Thanks for your comments both here and privately.

Maria, I love my salad spinner. It dries the lettuce really well but doesn't leave the leaves bruised. Himself will make a whole salad and spin it which I think is probably unnecessary! I bought mine on special years ago. I thought it was a bit pricey but don't regret it for a minute. And if you have joined WW, then you will need to make lovely yummy fresh salads! And have a look at Core. I far prefer that programme over Points.

Having just said that .... today has been the first one since I started this 3 weeks ago that I have felt crap, crap, crap. I know have eaten poorly over the weekend (although not as badly as I was before) and I have consumed an appalling amount of alcohol over the past week. NINE BOTTLES OF WINE IN 7 DAYS! This is very, very, very, very not good.

So I have cracked another bottle of champagne, finished off the cheese and biscuits and pate and feel bloody miserable. This is compounded by the issues facing my parents, Himself being in Sydney but trying to control the family from up there, Two in a grump, Three called into work this evening even after he made himself not available and is starting TAFE tomorrow. And it's hot. And I promised to take lunch up to my parents tomorrow and have no idea what to take. Himself decided to get stuck into the laundry over the weekend which has resulted in piles of unmatched socks, towels to be folded, kids t shirts all over the house. I won't bring stuff in off the line unless it's folded and I put it where it belongs. And I try never to mess up the lounge/dining room cos that's my centre of calm. The dining table is covered in socks. The family room table has tools on it that were taken out of the shed but not returned. My house is nothing like the centre of calm I prefer to exist in.

On a positive note... I bought some new shoes on Saturday. One pair had quite a heel and was elegant without being flimsy (big people shouldn't wear flimsy shoes, it looks as if they are going to break). I wore them today and felt pretty good about myself. So even though the weight loss isn't going as brilliantly as I would like, the whole make over thing is slowly falling into place.

OK, dinner's in the oven and The Biggest Loser is on telly. Time for some motivation and a healthy meal.

Hopefully I'll work out why I can't get photos up and you will have something to look at as a reward for wading through my interminable navel gazing.

I'll be more upbeat tomorrow, I promise.

Pissed off!!

I took some great photos of Sheba with a bag of carrots and went to put them on the computer only I can't find the lead that goes from the camera to the computer.

My mother rang today. She and Dad have decided to move into a retirement village. (Which means that SHE has decided to move into a retirement village and Dad will do whatever she wants). It's probably for the better as they are becoming quite frail and Mum has macular degeneration which means she will be legally blind in anywhere from two to seven years. This was the reason she gave for wanting to move. Dr. Teacher rang after I had spoken with Mum and he had been up to see them yesterday. Apparantly the move is happening because Mum is lonely and has no friends and wants to live in a community. She volunteers at the local op shop and could join the local elderly citizens' group and similar clubs but she is dependent on Dad to get her around and he really shouldn't be driving much. Also he is walking less and less and Dr. Teacher and I think that if they are living in a flat area they both might get out and about a bit.

In typical Mum style she has looked at a couple of brochures and picked the one she wants to move into! Sight unseen! I am going up there on Tuesday and we'll look at her brochures and I have sent them a link to a site that lists lots of places in Melbourne. Dr. Teacher is going up next weekend and will take them to see a few places. Fortunately, they can't put their house on the market until they get an idea of when a place will become available so we have some time to play with and hopefully make sure that they see as many places as possible.

I can see some stressful times coming up.

Himself is back up to Sydney early tomorrow morning. The weekend has flown by. We didn't do much at all today. I blobbed in front of the computer (lordy it's a time waster) and after Himself found out that he could use his high pressure hose in a bucket he washed his car with grey water. Anything to avoid doing his expense claims! Which he finally couldn't avoid any longer and he is now going into the Melbourne office to drop them off for signature and processing tomorrow.

The house is warming up and tomorrow is going to be a doozy. I plan to go to the movies.

I am feeling a bit flat at the moment.

Probably a combination of the heat, my parents, Himself and ingesting too much crap.

This site has an ugly fat filter!

I have spent the past 45 minutes trying to put up a photo of me at my most unflattering worst. And I couldn't. And then I thought "why should I show how BAD I can look?". I'll wait until I get some reasonable photos and put them up. And maybe then I'll put one up that shows me at my worst. But not til then. Thank you, ugly fat filter!!

I didn't realise I haven't updated since Monday. Whoops.

Tuesday was a good day at work. Two went and saw the specialist who noticed that Two's voice was different. After looking down his throat he said that it didn't look any different and to monitor him and take him to emergency if his breathing became noisy or laboured. I was trying to AVOID a trip to ED. We seem to be on a wait and see holding pattern but I would like something a bit more proactive when Two starts to become even slightly symptomatic. I guess it's time to seek a second ENT opinion.

Work has been really pleasant this week. Certain people haven't been there (holidays or sick leave) and it really does make a huge difference. I am now committed to staying there for the year as I am doing post-grad study and get a substantial discount by doing it through the hospital. I realise that the issues I have had over the past couple of years are directly related to particular colleagues and it is up to me to choose how I react to them in the future.

I had lunch with the Mermaid yesterday. We decided to go to the local pub cos it was bloody hot and the pub is airconditioned. A very nice meal and a good bottle of chardonnay later, we decided to go to another shopping strip for a look at the clothes shops and another coffee. I ended up trying on several items and dismissing them because they didn't work for me. Not cos I'm overweight. A huge breakthrough for me. I did buy a wrap around top which I will alter according to the principles Imogen has taught me. I showed the Mermaid the difference and she was really amazed what a difference minor changes can make to a piece of clothing.

Himself came home last evening and we had cheese and biscuits and pate and vege sticks and wine in front of a Sherlock Holmes movie. A very pleasant evening. The movie wasn't your typical rendition of SH and I really enjoyed it.

Today we went shopping again! I bought some singlets to wear under tops with deep V necks (another Imogen tip) and a couple of pairs of shoes. I wanted to get some new jeans but it was hard to find some that fit well and I wasn't prepared to compromise. I also wore a dressy T shirt with a necklace and makeup. This is so unusual for me. And I feel good about myself.

Being Saturday evening and all, I have nibbled a bit more than I would have liked but it's mainly been vege sticks and salsa although I did buy some chickpea crisps and had a few too many of them. But they have to be better than potato crisps, surely. Himself is cooking steaks at the moment and we will have them with baked spuds and salad. More wine than is recommended will be drunk!

Tomorrow is going to be uncomfortably hot! I think we might go for a drive into the country. At least the car is air conditioned and we can find somewhere nice for lunch.

Himself will be back to Sydney at sparrow's fart on Monday morning. Hopefully he will find an apartment soon which will make his weekdays more tolerable.

I am pleased with my WWOL progress. I had a very small gain last week (no surprise) and this week I have eaten well and limited the alcohol intake (until last night and tonight but two days out of seven isn't bad) and the scales have been kind. My overindulgence this evening may make Monday's weigh in slightly less than I could have hoped for but the trend is downwards, and I am feeling healthier. And, joy of joys, I've not become obsessive about counting and fiddling and manipulating. I am enjoying healthy, wholesome foods and eating until I've had enough. I haven't told Himself about this latest foray into the vast jungle of weight loss and I don't think he's twigged. This is good because when he does notice a change I know it will be because it's obvious and not because he thinks he can see a difference or is trying to be helpful.

Three starts at TAFE on Tuesday. He is getting very organised. I don't know how long it will last! Two has been accepted into the degree course so will be studying for another year. This year is totally academic (ie: no hands on stuff) and he will struggle. Big time. So in addition to doing my post grad certificate I will be helping him with his academic writing. Hmmmm ... 'graduate certificate in cancer nursing and digitial film and TV'. It has a ring to it.

Two and Three have started having issues with the spare car. It was to be expected and took longer than I thought it would. Two is also having girlfriend issues and is helping a mate with a short film so his tolerance levels are way off and he is being a tad unreasonable. I'm not overly concerned. If the shit gets too bad the car will be confiscated. It is a privilege not a right. And Three has started looking at how much a car will cost and how long it will take to save for one. This can only be a positive thing. Beer or a car? Beer or a car?

The steaks are just about ready, Himself has spun the salad dry and the spuds are soft and fluffy. The red wine is breathing and there is good telly tonight.

Life is bloody good.