Autumn

At last.  Yesterday saw the first day of autumn.  We will still experience days over 30C and the bush fires are still a serious threat in country Victoria but OFFICIALLY summer is over.  The days are noticeably getting shorter (we will have the autumn equinox in three weeks) and even the hot days have that lazy, late summer feel rather than the intense, agitating heat of early and mid summer.  

I am halfway through my break and haven't done much!  Last week I cleaned out the pantry and fridge and will attack the appliance cupboard this week.  And maybe our wardrobe.  And I plan to see at least one movie this week.  This afternoon I am seeing the dentist.  Oh joy.  Not.  It's only for a checkup and clean but that is enough to send me into spasms of terror.  I might take my iPod shuffle so I can concentrate on something else.  The only reason I made the appointment was I had to go and finalise Two's account after all his orthodontic work and something in me made me make the appointment.   And they had a cancellation for today so I  didn't even get a week or so to pluck up my courage.  Oh well.  It will all be over this evening.  And yes.  I am a terrible coward when it comes to the dentist.

I have regained so much weight after my wonderful efforts of 2007.  It is making me very depressed.  I know that I can do it but it is quite daunting.  Oh well.  Himself is in the same boat so we plan to nut out some strategies this afternoon.  We both need to move more and eat and drink less.  

Yesterday One, Two and GGF came over for golf and then we had everyone except Three's girlfriend for dinner.  It was a lovely evening with lots of laughs.  Himself made a slow cooked casserole with mashed peas and I made a lemon meringue pie.  Good wholesome, home cooked food.  Good family company.  We are blessed.

OK.  Time to clean my teeth and make my way to the dentist.  I often think that dentists must see life through a haze of spearmint!  Rather like the queen who, wherever she goes, smells fresh paint!

What a lovely day

We had a very enjoyable evening at the club last night.  The food was better than usual, the company was great as always and it was just a lovely relaxing dinner.

I don't know if I have mentioned before but we have an issue with our balcony.  It has rather a slope on it.  We have brought it up with the builder who says various things but ultimately they mean "not our problem and we ain't gonna fix it".  Himself has been a bit like a terrier with a bone and won't let it go.  Yesterday we had an 'independent' person (paid by the builder!!) around to look at the balcony (and our shower which has NO slope and the water pools - and the builder has said there's nothing wrong with THAT either!).  The upshot is that this bloke agreed that the shower is wrong but, whilst he agrees that there is a slant on the balcony, because there are no building standards applicable to balconies (other than appropriate water run off - off which we have plenty!) it can be used as designed.  I knew this would piss Himself off but it really upset him and he woke up quiet depressed and anxious.  I thought we were in for a pretty crap weekend.  We went shopping for bits and pieces and he wasn't terribly helpful but then we came home, had a quick (very late) brunch and then went for a bike ride.  Apart from the fact that the saddle was very uncomfortable (and Three has since verified it's a "bitch" to ride on!) he enjoyed himself.  We then wandered down to the beach where I had a lovely paddle and then came home.  It turned into a lovely Saturday.

Three is home.  I am cooking chicken schnitzel for dinner and then settling in for some good old Brit telly.  Tomorrow we have our golf lesson with Two and GGF (One is in Bendigo with Jade - his new girlfriend - so he will miss out) and then Suze and Neil are coming over for dinner.  We are going to do a slow cook casserole.  Not really the sort of thing one would eat in February but, hopefully, it won't be too hot and it's easy to bung on in the morning and then forget about it so Himself, Two, GGF and I can play 9 holes in the late afternoon and not have to worry about getting dinner on.  I shall also make chocolate mousse in the morning.

I think I have got this holiday thing under control.  I emailed the gym yesterday and cancelled the personal training for now.  I am enjoying the walking and the bike riding and am over the moon the Himself is doing it, too.  So we can egg each other on.  I have never exercised well with him before but this time we seem to be OK.  Neither one of us wants to be seen to wuss out.

So on that note, I shall go and get dinner on the go.

Friday

Friday's always used to be my favourite day of the week.  I still like Fridays cos they are the gateway to the weekend but now that I work part time (and even more so RIGHT now when I'm on annual leave) they don't have the same edginess to them.

Yesterday Suze and I went shopping and to see Ghost Town.  I laughed out loud in several places.  I wasn't expecting much but thoroughly enjoyed it.  I bought a couple of tops (3 actually), some knickers, some facial stuff (and got bonus gift with purchase ... good value) and dinner.  Which wasn't quite a disaster but wasn't as good as the other meals I've cooked this week.  I tried to do like a chicken wellington and it just wasn't quite right.  Never mind.  We are going to the club tonight so I won't have to think about what to cook.

I really enjoyed the bike ride on Wednesday and plan another one today.  I have to go and pick a parcel up from the post office (not sure what it could be), buy a birthday present for a friend (who will be at the club tonight) and a few other bits and pieces so might not get the ride in as Himself is coming home a bit early so we can go for our walk.  He has tentatively agreed to a bike ride tomorrow.  We'll see.

It's rather overcast this morning with a few spots of rain.  A decent downpour would be wonderful.  At least the smoke isn't bad.

And on that note I shall get a move and get things happening.

Speedy

• dinner's just about cooked
• need to get it out of the oven and onto the table
• want to update 
• bike ride and walk yesterday
• shopping and movies today
• walk with himself in the evening (3 days out of 3 ... yay)
• dinner burning
• veges overdoing
• bugger
• tomorrow ...

Decisions decisions

I do NOT make them easily.  Yesterday I went to the supermarket and spent 25 minutes trying to decide what brand of breakfast cereal to get!  All Bran in the end, if you're interested.  I like the odd way it tastes and the way it all mushes up in the milk.  And I have it with fruit and yoghurt on top.

When Himself came home in the evening we went for the big walk (all around the river rather than just to the beach and back).  It was very pleasant.  The smoke haze was much less and there was a gentle breeze.  So I DID get some exercise in yesterday, after all.

Today I was meant to do stuff with Suze but we have changed our plans to tomorrow so will catch up with the Mermaid, grab some fish for dinner and maybe go for a bike ride this afternoon.

But the main thing today is that I was able to get up.  Granted, it was rather later (after 8.30 but I AM on holidays!) but I didn't have the horrible feelings prior which have afflicted me over the past few days.  It actually reminded me of how I used to feel when the kids were at school.  The sense of emptiness and not having anything to do.  Which is silly, I know.

Anyway, I got up because I had this blog to update and I started my cross stitching yesterday and enjoyed it (even though it has made me realise how poor my eyesight has become - my multifocal glasses aren't the best for this sort of work, might need to get reading glasses as well).

Better get a wriggle on, it's gone 10.00 and I have THINGS TO DO AND PLACES TO GO :)

I might enjoy this annual leave, yet.

Smoke

The air is so full of smoke it's hard to breathe.  I cannot see the hills from my balcony.  In fact I can't see far at all from my balcony.  The house is full of smoke.  Everything smells of smoke.

And this is from the fires still burning in the countryside around Melbourne.  A good stiff breeze would blow the smoke away but would fan the fires.

The Foxtel man came and replaced the box ... again.  Third box in 5 months.  He says Foxtel know about the problem (faulty boxes/cables) but, as yet, haven't really fixed it.  So we will wait and see if THIS box solves the problem (image dropping out) and if not Himself will be back on the phone.  I have also arranged for someone to come and fix the fly screen door (an outdoor chair was blown over and gashed a hole in it ... only 4 months old and it's going to cost nearly $200 to fix.  Bugger).  I have arranged for someone from RACV security to come and connect our security system up to a back to base monitoring system.  I feel happier being monitored and it reduces our insurance premium.  So, even though I haven't done any exercise I have achieved something today.

I had plans to go for a bike ride this afternoon but with all this smoke I think I would be rather foolish.  So I guess that gives me permission to sit and read or start the cross stitching kit I bought a couple of weeks ago.  I need to go to the supermarket and get something for dinner.  Not sure what.  Himself always says he'll eat anything and when I suggest something he says he doesn't feel like it!!  Three is working and won't be home til after 9 so I need something that can be kept warm or pre-prepared.  I wish I had my cookbooks!  I get a bit bored with cold meat and salad, chicken and salad, steak and salad ...  although cold meat and salad might be the go this evening.  We have found a fabulous deli (can't buy cold meat from the supermarket any more - it looks rather gross!) and if I hard boil some eggs I can make up the plates and leave them in the fridge.  Don't I lead an exciting life?!

So I shall go and hang the sheets on the line (so they can absorb more smoke), pop across the river to the supermarket and then put my feet up and chill for the afternoon.  

My head is not a good place to be

I am currently on 4 weeks annual leave.

I should be happy and relaxed but I am very stressed.  Why?  Because I can't make a decision to save myself at the moment.  Whenever I think of something I immediately think of something else.  I find it very difficult to get out of bed because I can't decide what to do when I get up.  The ludicrous nature of the situation can be described with the thought processes that went on this morning.

I should get up.  I should go for a run.  Should I shower before or after the run?  What will I wear?  Will I do some housework?  What should I do?  Should I wash my hair today or tomorrow?  If I go for a run then I should wait and have a shower afterwards so I can wash my hair cos if I run with wet hair it will dry funny.  If I don't go for a run I will be fat forever.  And noone will like me and I will have no friends and no life.  If I don't do the housework my house will be permanently dirty and I will never be able to get it clean again.  If I sit and read a book I am lazy.

This crazy thinking went on for a good hour or so.  Eventually I got up, had a shower and washed my hair.  I didn't go for a run.  I did tidy the place, cleaned the oven, dusted and vacuumed and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom benches.  I didn't have breakfast because I couldn't decide what to eat.  Too many choices.  I did have lunch ... there was only one option for lunch.

I decided that I was going to use the time off to get fit again (read "lose weight") and that has placed me fairly and squarely in the crazy place in my head.  Himself is very understanding and tells me to just do one thing at a time and not be too hard on myself.  I spoke with my colleague from work who also has some mental health/self esteem/weight issues and she understands exactly where I am.  

This is one reason why I haven't been writing here for so long.  But having read what I have just written and seeing how silly it looks in black and white makes me realise that jotting things down to look back on later is a very helpful tool.

So.

Apart from Me the Crazy, life is good.

We are pretty well settled into the new place.  I still need to unpack the boxes of books but need some bookcases.  We see more of the boys and their girlfriends than we did in the old place.  We are ALL playing golf!  Including One.  One, Two, Two's girlfriend, Himself and I are all having golf lessons on Sunday mornings.  Three has to work.  He has started at TAFE so needs to work at least one day on the weekend.  Two is doing well with his filming stuff and One is also doing very well in his career.  I am enjoying work and have gone very part time.

The recent bushfires have touched everyone.  It will be one of those disasters where everyone will know of someone who was directly affected, such is the extent of the devastation.  The cynic in me is sitting back and watching the politicians get as much mileage out of it as possible.  Pollies from both sides.  The generosity of the average bloke in the street has been phenomenal.

And now that I have dusted off the cobwebs of this blog I shall go and sit on the balcony with a cup of tea and a book and contemplate the river.