Acceptance Commitment Therapy

 

I love this cartoon. It embodies what I was taught when I did a course in ACT. It really does work to accept and embrace all your emotions - especially the negative ones. It tones down the anxiety levels considerably. I just have to remember to practice it!

A better day today. I took Andrew's sage advice and doubled the gin and halved the tonic! Coupled with a very nice red with our gourmet snags and I went to bed very early and slept like a log.

Himself has been buying berries a lot lately and blueberries seem to suddenly turn so I have a batch of blueberry muffins in the oven. I've not made blueberry muffins before and found a recipe online which has a crumble topping and the house smells divine. If it works I have found my new go to recipe as I imagine it would work for many fruits and is so easy to whip up. It also doesn't make a huge amount which is a bonus when there's only two of us.

I have done some internet shopping (skin care products from Moogoo for me and the hounds) and will have a look at some cotton for weaving. This afternoon I will start a new weaving project which looks fiddly so will take some concentration which is always a good thing.

Himself has gone to buy steak for dinner (another bottle of red, yay!) and maybe some prawns to have with the avocado which is nicely ripe. 

Today is a good day.

Friday - not that it really makes a difference what day it is!

Firstly a mother in law update. Telstra managed to deliver a phone to the facility which has been plugged in and I was able to ring her and speak with her. Sadly her dementia is such that, whilst she knows who I am, she gets confused about who fits where. She seems to forget that I am married to Himself who, apparently, was lent money "that I will never see again" to buy a house. And Robert (who is dead) will be next in line to buy a house after his paramour died and he is therefore homeless. So, so sad. On a good day I can see the funny side but today is not a good day.

Three's wife is being induced on Monday with granddaughter #6. She had her final obstetrician appointment on Wednesday and we were asked to look after Sally for a couple of hours. I offered a sleep over which was grabbed at! The agreement is that whatever Sally wants at a sleepover Sally gets as long as it's not naughty and she remembers her manners. To date this works well. Painting, playing ball, watching TV, stories read and biscuits eaten. The park played at and dogs walked. She got to choose dinner and ate it all. Ice cream may have also been consumed followed by a bath where I was given swimming lessons. Fortunately I didn't have to get in the bath. According to her parents Sally is struggling a bit with separation anxiety and this was evident whenever Himself went out "when's Grumpy coming back" and when a call to her mother dropped out "what if she's dead". And it meant that Granny slept with her. Let's use the word "slept" in it's loosest form, shall we? Granny got lovely cuddles when she got into bed but barely a wink of sleep so was very happy when mummy decided to pick the girl up in the early afternoon. I will do it all again in a heart beat, of course. Grandkids are so special. I also realise why young people are the ones to have children. I used to think it a cruel twist of nature that men could procreate for ever but women were time limited. As usual, nature was right!

Yesterday I got a call from a very dear friend who is a grey nomad and is currently in Cairns. She has been diagnosed with endometrial cancer. They will head to Brisbane where she will have a hysterectomy. I wish I could be with her but obviously that ain't going to happen. She had a CT scan yesterday and bloods today and will get the results on Monday or Tuesday which will indicate possible spread and then they can leave for Brisbane which will take about 3 days of driving (and towing a caravan). Another reminder to get those tests and be more body aware as we get older. Fingers and toes crossed it is still contained and the op will fix everything. Too many friends of late have been given similar diagnoses. Getting old has whiskers on it but is better than the alternative.

A gloomy post. I think another gin is called for.

The mother in law vs Telstra and NBN

In October 2018 my mother in law moved into an aged care facility. Her husband and eldest son (who lived with them) had just died. She had recently been diagnosed with dementia and her eyesight was deteriorating rapidly.

Himself arranged for a phone to be connected to her room so she could stay in contact with the Polish community, family and friends. She just needed a landline but we were told she had to have NBN connected as that was the way of the future. So after a couple of weeks the NBN tech connected her and she got her phone.

Together we went through her address book and she told me who she was still in contact with and I wrote a letter telling people her new address and contact details. I even used google translate for the Polish friends! At this stage her eyesight was such that if we wrote names and numbers in big black letters she could read the and dial the large numbered phone. So for a while things were hunky dory.

Over the past 3 years she has gone downhill. She is now almost totally blind and her dementia has progressed which, combined with recurring UTIs, means her memory is unreliable and she has difficulty remembering things that happened recently like who has called her. Her phone is her only way to deal with her anxiety over things (like where is her husband and can we tell her mother she will be late home from work) and we had Himself's number programmed as the only one she could call regardless of which button she pressed. Initially we had other numbers on speed dial but after getting random calls from her in the middle of the night we figured it was kinder to her other contacts to allow them to call her! I know her other son calls her even though she doesn't remember and we can only assume her Polish friends also call her.

Until now.

Mid August we tried to ring her. We got "the number you have called is not connected. Please check the number and try again". After a couple of days Himself reported the issue to Telstra and was told the number had been disconnected by NBN. But no one could say why or by whom it was authorised. Since then he has made numerous calls to Telstra, NBN and the telecommunications ombudsman. We have been told it was a Telstra issue. An NBN issue. NBN disconnected it because they didn't recognise the number. The address was wrong. Optus pinched the connection. It was an automatic cancellation because it was a landline and she needed NBN connectivity. We were told they needed access to the facility to reinstall a modem. Provide a modem. Check the modem. They disconnected her remotely - surely she could be reconnected remotely. No. They need access. Which part of lockdown and restricted access to aged care facilities don't you get? WE aren't allowed in.

Himself has dealt with so many people ranging from knowledgeable and helpful (rare) to extremely rude and unhelpful (very common). He has shown great restraint but has raised his voice in frustration. Especially when the person at the other end (in another country say no more) won't listen and keeps talking over him. Everyone is very sorry but no one wants to fix it. I guess it's hard to fix if no one knows what the problem is. Correction - everyone knows what the problem is, it just differs depending on who you talk to. But they still can't fix it.

He is currently on the phone for the umpteenth time. I have no idea where this will end. In the meantime my poor mother in law has no contact with the outside world. I cannot begin to imagine what this is doing to her already fragile mental state. I fear when we are finally allowed to see her she will not know us.

And yes, we can ring the facility and she can speak with us but this seems to add to her confusion. The staff there are great and I know if there is an issue they will ring us but we just want things back to normal.

A few of my favourite things.

In the early hours of this morning I was lying in bed listening to the rain on the roof and the purring cat tucked in beside me. Bliss.

It got me thinking about the little things that make life tolerable sometimes, perfect other times and often are just little bursts of happiness that occur out of the blue.

In no particular order ...

I love the sound of rain and thunder and wind. Especially as we have a tin roof.

The smell of dogs that have been outside (NOT in the mud!) and the happy grins when they greet you with tails wagging. The way Murphy will plonk himself at (on) my feet if I stand still for too long. Jinx coming up to me for a quiet cuddle when Murphy is elsewhere. The fact that Murphy is terrified of the bath (we traumatised him) so bath time is just Jinx and me sharing female companionship (and the crisps - yes, I eat crisps in the bath and Jinx is next to it not in it!)

The satisfaction of a project turning out better than anticipated.

The smell of a sweet flower when out walking often unseen and unidentifiable.

The sound of children laughing and playing. Something we hear less of these days, sadly. The wonder in their eyes when they discover new things.

The smell of baking. Anything baking.

The gurgle of that first pour of wine. The crack of the seal on a new gin bottle and the fizz of the tonic/soda water. 

Clean sheets. The upside of muddy dogs is we get clean sheets on a very regular basis!

Roses, sweet peas, daffodils, daphne, jasmine - you get the drift.

Home grown vegetables.

Hugs.

A perfect coffee. Hard to find but always a wonderful surprise.

I could go on but the seal on the gin needs breaking and the tonic is waiting to fizz.

Old

Today I turn 65. Once upon a time this would mean I was eligible for the Aged Pension but I have another 18 months to wait.

My second birthday in lockdown so no visits from sons and their families. Himself bought me a bottle of gin (he knows me well) and my brother and sister in law sent me two gorgeous bags which were meant to a travel gift when I was going to visit them in Italy but that won't be happening. Not sure when they will be able to get back to Todi but I doubt I will fly overseas. Maybe New Zealand. But I need a passport and that means I need my citizenship and that's still in the too hard basket.

I was going to talk about the debacle that is my mother in law's lack of phone service after either Telstra or NBN disconnected it but that can keep. 

I'm going to have a boiled egg with soldiers and count the hours down to gin o'clock.

Stranded

 

I have a friend who is stuck in Sydney. She went up a month ago as her father was dying. Sadly he passed away as she was waiting at the airport. She has been staying with her 94 year old mother trying to get her to eat and get some supports in place. Now she is desperately trying to get home. She lives alone. She is double vaxed. She has an adult daughter in Melbourne who has some mental health issues and needs her mum. The hoops the Victorian government is making her jump through to get home are ridiculous. Proof of residence, provide bills (all at home of course), financials. She has even got a letter from her daughter's psychiatrist. It's a shame she's not someone important, wealthy or sporty. In the mean time, HER mental health is deteriorating and this is a woman who has been through a lot in life and never crumbled. 

I had a shit of a night's sleep last night. It was extremely windy and the dogs were very unsettled. To make matters worse there was a possum somewhere in the garden. I could hear it hissing and growling and then the dogs whimpering. I ended up getting up and trying to settle Murphy on the couch. He was very agitated. Eventually I closed the gate to the back stairs to keep them on the deck, gave them a dentastix each and dozed on the couch until they were asleep and went back to bed around 4. I lay there listening to the rain and thunder which was nice. Finally fell asleep to be woken at 7 by the dogs telling me it was MORNING!!! So I let them downstairs and slept until 11.30!

It is very muggy. I think we will be in for some decent weather later (by decent, I mean rain and thunder!)

And life goes on in lockdown.

I am rapidly becoming THAT grumpy old woman!

Remember when eggs came in small, medium and large? And now they come in large, extra large and jumbo. Have the eggs become bigger? Are we being duped by marketing? Do we NEED everything to be bigger? What has happened to the small eggs?

It's fun being inside my head whilst at the supermarket!

Dinner plates used to be so much smaller. What we use today as a dinner plate used to be a serving platter. Ditto bowls and mugs. Does anyone use a cup anymore? I love a cup and saucer for my tea. Oh, and the little matching plate that these days wouldn't even hold a slice of cake.

I have old recipes that served 4 but in today's terms would serve 2 at the most. 

The takeaway and disposable culture would be unthinkable a generation ago. And at the risk of enraging the entitled youth, I don't see many oldies walking around with the ubiquitous disposable drink container which inevitably goes into landfill and adds to the climate and pollution issues. Can't anyone go for a walk, do the supermarket shopping, visit a friend without a cup of coffee in hand? I remember my mother telling me that only the uncouth ate whilst walking. I scoffed at her but I guess I have turned into her in many ways. And she was talking about icecream cones - she would be horrified to see what people consume on public transport and down the street these days.

Today was glorious. I managed a bit of weeding and the spring bulbs are still bringing a smile to my face as the roses promise a spectacular display soon.

I prefer not to think about ongoing lockdown other than to be satisfied I have done my bit to getting out of it. Hopefully others will as well.