HOLIDAY!!

Well, a mini holiday, but a break away all the same.

I'm almost packed and am about to head off to bed.

Today was another chaotic day which included a "HELP" call from GGF who was sick again.  Took her to the doctor and then for bloods and a CT of her brain.  They found a brain and nothing nasty.

I called into Mum and Dad and they're fine.  A bit apprehensive about the new care provisions but we'll get there.

An awesome take away pizza for dinner.

Three days of fun with 24 wonderful women I've met online (and 4 in person) and then 5 days with Himself as we explore the country between Adelaide and home.

Feeling a bit more positive about the health/weight issues (and will be even more after this weekend).

So ... time to look forward to the future with a positive outlook.

Have a great week.

I'll be back with photos.

Crash and burn

Today GGF had an interview.  Himself and I had offered to drive her.

I woke up this morning and couldn't get out of bed.  Just couldn't face dealing with another human being regardless of how much I love them.

Himself took GGF to the interview and we are anxiously awaiting the outcome.

I have been really struggling of late with a lot of things and was seriously considering booking myself into a psych hospital as my thinking and behaviour has been rather odd.

This morning I realised that I have had a huge amount on my plate.  Not only has Dad had his stroke which was bad enough in itself but I've dealt with hospitals, therapists, aged care assessment people (fantastic), doctors, pharmacies, done shopping, negotiated changing care providers AND I have looked after others on and off (Chippy had facial surgery, GGF needed to be taken to the doctor last week for morphine for a migraine, the kids have had issues, the Mermaid is studying and wanted a hand with her assignment .... and so it goes).

I know I could say no but that's not me and I'm not complaining about providing help for those I love.  But I should have realised that just maybe this could all have had a negative impact on me.

I was going to pull out of my weekend in Adelaide but Himself talks sense and I'm going.

This will probably be the last post until we get home the weekend after this.

Life will return to normal - whatever normal is!!

And now back to writing a letter asking for my parents' case manager to be changed.  Not easy.

A quiet Sunday I hope

Dad has been assessed at high level care.  This means that we will get extra supports at home but ultimately he will end up in a nursing home.  He is unsafe to be left along for any amount of time so when Mum gets her second knee replacement Dad will have to go into a nursing home for respite.  Mum is doing an amazing job of looking after him but has her own health issues and I don't know how long we can keep things going the way they are.

On Friday I head off to Adelaide to spend the weekend with a group of women from the WW message boards.  I feel guilty as hell that my weight loss efforts have been shelved over the past several months (OK - most of the year) but at least they are all like minded women and I'm sure I'll get a boost of determination. Himself will drive over on the Sunday and we'll spend the next week pottering around parts of South Australia.  I'm looking forward to the break but this week will involve quite a bit of organisation to make sure things are in place for the parents whilst I'm away.  Dr Teacher does his stuff and I do mine so I need to make sure I've told him all the things that he needs to keep an eye on for me.

We went out last night for Fireman Sam's 40th birthday.  It was a good night.

I managed to choke on a piece of raw carrot and this morning my back is killing me.  I can only assume that I jarred something or pulled something.

Himself is cooking me brunch so I am going to go and chill for the rest of the day.

Where have the years gone?

This was taken 40 years ago.  I look at it and wonder where my parents have gone.

Surely the fragile, old man who struggles with his speech and the neurotic, anxious woman with memory issues aren't the same vibrant couple?

I think Mum is realising that the man who had the stroke 7 weeks ago isn't the same man who came home on Tuesday.

He was very difficult on Wednesday and she rang me yesterday and told me she could have put him into residential care, it was so bad.

He is better, now, so hopefully it was a settling in reaction.  His cognitive state does fluctuate and when he's good he must be devastated that he can no longer do what he could 7 weeks ago.

*sigh*




Late realisation - both my parents were younger then than I am now.  

Life is a circle.

Whoever wrote that we come into the world mewling, incontinent, incapable of speech and dependent on others and we leave it the same way was right on the money!

Dad came home today and promptly started to do what HE wanted to do regardless of whether he was safe or not.  And when challenged got really shitty.  He wasn't impressed with the plans made for his medications and told me that everything I was doing was totally unnecessary.  That's not to say he's not grateful, but he cannot see that he needs all this support.  His insight is severely limited.

Dr Teacher is over there at the moment and I'll get a report from him later tonight.  For the first time it's Mum that's actually being sensible and has really risen to the occasion.  I just hope that she doesn't overdo it, now, and end up in strife.  But at least we will have paperwork for respite care if we need it.

I have told them I'm not going up tomorrow and I've discussed this with Dr Teacher who agrees.  If it is necessary for one or the other of us to be there everyday then they are NOT living independently and need to be in residential care.  I'm happy to pop up two or three times a week but no more.  And for the record, Mum and Dad were adamant I not go over tomorrow.  So we shall see how they cope.

Getting old is no fun.  I have been told that it's better than the alternative but I sometimes question that, too.

Sorry for the negativity.  It's been a hard day capping off a really difficult 6 plus weeks.

HOME TOMORROW

I pick Dad up from the rehab hospital tomorrow and take him home.  Against the recommendation of "The Team".  Even though they were adamant at the beginning that Dad's wishes be adhered to and he be returned home.

He had overnight leave over the weekend and did fairly well.  It will take time for Mum and Dad to get used to the new living arrangements.  He is used to doing everything and can no longer, and she has got used to doing a lot more and plans to continue.

I am so looking forward to not having to drive 100k a day.  There is a lot that needs to be put into place to make this work but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel.  And, today, it's not a train!

new meds

I went to the doctor last week because I found a lump in my breast which has turned out to be nothing to worry about (I'll have mammogram before I stop worrying completely!).

While I was there I also mentioned my blood pressure (a bit too high) and the return of my depression.  Bursting into tears at the drop of a hat (or even without THAT stimulus!) is a tad embarrassing.  As a result my BP meds have been upped with the result that my BP today was nice and normal.

And I have started back on anti-depressants.  I have been on these in the past and in the past they have worked well for me but I do find the first week or so rather challenging.  Previously I have started on half a tablet a day for a week but this time I was rather desperate so only took half a tablet for two days and then went onto the full dose (this is my dosing regime, by the way, not what the doctor suggested - full tablet from day one -  but I know what has worked in the past).  Anyway, the good news is that my mood is far more stable and I am no longer blubbing all over the place (SUCH a pain!) but the down side is that I am feeling really spaced out in not a good way.  I know this will pass and the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.  I wish I could stop yawning, though!!!

The photo?  Sunrise through mist.  Love where we live :)

Life is looking good again.