Too much thinking ... very few words

Thank you for your positive comments on yesterday's post 

I started to write about how obesity is an unseen mental health issue and how hard it is to ask for help and a whole lot of other stuff but all of a sudden that noise went quiet. I will return to this at some point as I think it is important to talk about hidden issues that impact so many of us. Right now I am listening to the silence in that part of my brain and it is wonderful. 

I did my first jab early this afternoon. I then went out for coffee and ordered a toasted cheese sanga but could only eat half of it. 

I don't care if these are placebo effects, I am taking the win!

And as a reward for reading I give you clouds.

 

Winter has arrived.

It was a bitterly cold and wet long weekend (happy birthday King). 

I finished sewing together the rug I have been crocheting. This is a queen sized bed so you get an idea of the size. I don't know where it will end up but it's done and I love the 3D effect.

It rained and rained and rained and I swear the wind came straight off the Antarctic. Just a tad different from the glorious blue skies when I was out and about on Thursday.

I started another couple of crochet projects cos I have the crochet bug at the moment. I am still knitting a vest in front of the telly in the evenings, one of the crochet projects is mindless so I keep that for the craft group and then there is this which is easy but does require counting.

 

On a very personal note (but we're all friends here, right?) I went to the doctor and had a long chat with her about my life long battle with my weight. I currently classify as obese and have high choleresterol and high blood pressure as well having undergone two joint replacements. My mother had an eating disorder which meant I never really learned what a proper relationship with food looked like. Food was punishment, reward, bribery - never just food. We were made to eat everything that was dished up on our plates whilst my mother (who was always very thin) would complain about being overweight and eat like a sparrow. I realised once I was an adult that she would be diagnosed today with anorexia nervosa and over-feeding others is classic behaviour of this condition. After a lifetime of being on or off a diet it is no wonder that I have ended up in this pickle.

After talking at length about things my doctor said that I, too, have an eating disorder and an unhealthy relationship with food and my body and my sense of self. After great discussion of pros and cons she prescribed this ...

One of my daughters-in-law has had great success using this and a much loved blogmate has started using it as well. In fact it was her bravery in sharing that gave me the courage to seek help.

I am well aware this is not a silver bullet. It will not wipe out nearly 70 years of bad programming but it just might stop the food noise (yes, that is a thing) and give me some mental space to change my attitude to a few things and learn some new strategies to deal with life the universe and everything. I am sure everyone has an opinion on this sort of thing but please, unless it is positive, keep it to yourself. I have a hard enough battle in front of me as it is.

And as a reminder of the magnificent dignity that is the German Shepherd I give you this ...

Out and about

I have never understood the appeal of these but kids all around the world seem to love them. After reading this I am even less enamoured (to save you googling if you are not vehicularly inclined, Prestone is anti-freeze) ... 

On Thursday I drove the two and a bit hours to Traralgon to donate plasma. It makes for a long day but the drive never disappoints and I always try to explore somewhere I haven't been before. This was on the way home ...

... I wasn't sure if this was serious but seeing what appeared to be several smaller fires in a cluster I assumed it was a planned burn. I wasn't going to drive all the way to find out as even though I did take a detour, the fire stayed on the horizon. And no, I wouldn't have driven anywhere near it, I was just trying to get a sense of where it was.

I will never tire of the countryside. We are known as the Big Country for a reason. Even our skies seem big ...

On Friday we took Jinx back to the vet to get her eyes checked. I'm not sure if I have mentioned it before but she has been diagnosed with an auto-immune condition that if not treated would result in painful corneal ulceration and blindness. Needless to say I am the one who administers the drops and Himself gets to give the treat afterwards. No prizes for guessing who is the more popular human in this household.

It's definitely winter here. We have had a bitterly cold snap which is unusual this early in the season. Yesterday I decided a slow cooker casserole was in order.

I was so cold I decided to hug the cooker. 

You can see the steam bubbling under the lid and where it has bubbled out from underneath the lid.

 

I wonder how many other people have managed to scald the underside of their upper arms from hugging a slow cooker.

He's OK

After a weekend of not doing much Himself took himself down to Melbourne yesterday morning. I keep wanting to say up but apparently one goes down to Melbourne and up to Lakes even though if one wants to be completely accurate it would be across to Melbourne as near as dammit - Melbourne is 37.8136*S and Lakes is 37.8777*S.

Anyway, Ebs took him to hospital and deposited him there much earlier than he needed to be and his procedure was delayed due to an emergency so you can imagine he was not the happiest of campers.

The angiogram went well. One stent was inserted and a second wasn't needed. Here's hoping this puts Himself's mind at ease.

He was discharged this morning and wanted my blessing to drive home. Not happening. Fortunately Ebs, who is tiny but do not cross her if you value your life, hit the roof at any such suggestion so he did as he was told and spent the day at their place. He had a snooze and watched some and telly and then had beer and pizza and spent some time bonding with One which is what they both needed. I have no doubt he will be on the road before sparrows' fart tomorrow morning. 

I quite enjoy being on my own now and again but I am not sure about the dogs.

They do like my catering (I buy them gravy beef to mix with their usual food and they get TWO dentastix each in the evening) and they don't wake me two or three times through the night to go outside the way they do Himself but finding this ...

... and the remains of a cat bed and a "pruned" artificial plant suggest that they are NOT impressed with his absence. 

Jinx at least has her teddy bear to console her ... 

On Saturday I was working with the Lionesses, catering at a local market and a woman enquired about joining. She left her details with us and I decided to reach out to her as the next meeting isn't for a few weeks. I invited her for coffee yesterday and to the U3A craft group today. She and her husband have only been here for a few months and I know how hard it is to get that toe in the water. She was thrilled I asked and I didn't feel like a crazy stalker which had been a bit of a worry!

Dinner tonight was two minute noodles and whatever veg I could find in the crisper drawer. A glass of wine made it almost haute cuisine!

Penguin texted me to see how Himself is and I promised her I was about to do an update which I have duly done. 

I will now go back to working on this ... 

 

 

... and enjoy another glass of wine whilst I sew 130 crocheted pieces together and listen to the rain.

Life

Yes, I know, it's been a long time between drinks. There was a while when I would get very stressed about not updating but I am learning to be a bit more realistic with my expectations.

Last time I mentioned that Himself was going to Melbourne for an angiogram. He was gone overnight and somehow I managed to piss Max off to such a degree that he wouldn't come when I called him to come inside at dusk. He spent the whole night out and I went out looking for him the next morning to no avail. I left the back door open, fessed up to Himself that I had lost a cat and assumed the worst (he never goes missing and will always come when called). Around 10am I looked across to the chair next to one of my looms and there he was looking very sorry for himself and slightly the worse for wear. No injuries that I could see but he was very grateful for a feed and even tolerated a stroke and a snuggle - I swear he almost purred.

If he would only talk what a story he could tell.

It didn't take him long to return to his glorious arrogant self ...

... and to keep things fair here is Minnie sitting in her spot right next to where I sit and crochet or knit most afternoons looking out at the view. She always looks a tad perplexed.

We have started having lunch out once a week or so. We share the love between the local eateries as this can be a tough time of year for hospitality as the tourists are thin on the ground and the economy makes it hard for locals to spend on indulgences like eating out. Wherever we go there is always a view and even when it's raining it's still beautiful ...

As I type Himself is on his way back from yet another cardiologist appointment. He was meant to stay overnight and drive back tomorrow to avoid driving at dusk on country roads when 'roos and wombats tend to appear in front of you but he made an executive decision (ie ignored me) and will be home in an hour or so. Unfortunately he has to back again on Monday for another stent and maybe two. Which, to be fair, is probably why he wanted to get home. 

The next few days will be a bit of a challenge as he will stress and I will try not to. I play it very cool with him but I am a tad concerned. He turns 76 this year and there is a family history of cardiac issues. 

In the meantime we will enjoy where we live and how can you not grin when you see these birds ....

I will report back on Monday when he has had the procedure.

Making memories.

It's been a busy couple of weeks.

One and his lot came down on the first weekend of the school holidays and, as mentioned in the previous post, One, Himself and I went to Lake Tyers Beach. This is what the lake looked like ...

We aren't sure when exactly the entrance from lake to sea closed but a week later when I went back with Three and the girls it looked like this. You can see the water levels are starting to rise again ...

It was a blustery day and the tide was in. The ocean looked like this ...

Alice and Sally collected shells. Of course, one wears a pink tutu for shell collecting ...

This was the first time Alice had been to stay without Mummy or Daddy. She has had a nasty cold and it made life easier for the parents to have her come home with me because well, day care, snot etc.

When we arrived Grumpy and Sally went to play mini golf and Alice and I went to my coffee group. She buried her head in my shoulder and wouldn't engage with anyone. She was quite hot to touch so probably had a bit of a temp. She told me later she didn't like my friends because they were "too important"! I can only assume a group of chatty older women were somewhat intimidating for a wee lass who wasn't feeling 100%.

We came home, dosed up with paracetamol (acetamenophin for those in north america) and she decided she wanted to go for a walk. 

It's a given that when in Lakes we have dinner at the fancy restaurant (aka the pub) and have to dress up accordingly. Please note the glittery jacket ...

After a breakfast of doughnuts we had to go and look at the boats ...

We only had one major melt down and that was at the playground when Granny got very cross because Alice wouldn't listen and nearly ran straight into the path of the swings. She calmed down eventually - promises of ice cream work wonders.

U3A returned this week which was lovely after the holiday break. I have joined the U3A book club so that's another monthly group of people to meet and chat with.

On Wednesday I saw yet another new GP for repeat scripts of routine meds. She is very approachable and listened to some of my concerns and we have a new regime to try. No judgement, no criticism, no lectures - just genuine concern and empathy and practical suggestions. I hope she stays as we have not had a good run with GPs here.

Himself has been having some chest discomfort (which I am convinced is caused by increased stress levels) so he is off to Melbourne tomorrow for an angiogram +/- stent on Monday. 

Our builder's warranty department are useless and have washed their hands of our paint issues (hence the stress levels) and the wording in the contract is vague enough to say nothing specific but strong enough to say they won't do anything. I keep reminding Himself that it could be worse - at least we can repaint the house as it's not a structural issue. The pantry cabinet door has been replaced but they forgot the hinges so we will have to wait another few weeks for those.

So life trundles along. Autumn is always glorious and this year is no exception. It's a season of settling down and leaving the frenetic activity of summer behind. 

A longer absence than intended.

There is too much negativity and sadness and anger in the world at the moment. I cannot change anything so I retreat more and more into my small life - it's all too overwhelming otherwise.

Hence the radio silence of late. 

One came down with his family over the weekend. We explored a beach I hadn't been to before (Lake Tyers - we have been to the pub but never walked onto the actual beach) ...

... they brought their French Bulldog with them and Murphy was so excited to have a new friend. All three dogs were exhausted by the end of the visit.

The cats were NOT impressed and spent the entire time hiding in our wardrobe or under our bed. They would venture out when all was quiet and the annoying wee dog was asleep at night but at the first sign of movement they bolted back to their safe place. The upside was that Max actually showed me some affection when they had gone!

 

And I continue to enjoy the glorious area we live in.

Thank you for your comments and a big thanks to Penguin for arranging coffee to check up with me. I know a lot of you experience issues with mental health and the challenges of day to day life so I am sure you will understand where I am at the moment.

I will be back once things settle down and the political bombardment from here (federal election) and overseas has subsided somewhat.