12 months ago today

We had a difficult relationship but I miss her so much.

It's getting to that tough time

Today is 12 months since I had my last conversation with Mum.  She was very vague and had been getting that way for a week or so.  She had also not been eating properly for some time but that was not unusual.

I called in to see her on my way to the airport on my way to Sydney to spend a few days with Himself.  I hadn't planned to but the nursing home staff rang me and said she wasn't quite right.  She recognised me and was quite pleasant.  She and Dad were having morning tea. I had no idea that she was on borrowed time.

On the home front ...

Life is a bit of a challenge.  Himself and I have to get used to spending time together when for the last 2 and a bit years we had less than 48 hours a week.

I have signed up for market research and some mystery shopping which should be fun.  I have applied for a job ... worst job application I have ever submitted but it's more to appease Mr Centrelink.

And on that note I shall go and see if there is anything new on Seek that I can put into my report for Mr Centrelink so I keep getting my govt allowance.

Sheesh.

And life slowly moves along

cat and mouse!!

So.  Himself is now officially an aged pensioner.  It was worth it to pay the much reduced chemist bill at our most recent visit.

I, on the other hand, have had to join the ranks of the unemployed.  I have registered for Newstart  (ie The Dole) and am required to meet certain requirements.  These include actively looking for work and keeping a diary of said efforts.  And going along to Centrelink on a regular basis to prove I am doing this.  I wonder how so many people manage to live on unemployment benefits for so long.  I realise there are genuine job seekers out there but there are also a lot of so called bludgers.

I have been registered with a job search agency but will get no help from them for another 13 weeks as I am classified as job ready and self reliant.  Riiiiiiiight.  I had my initial interview with them yesterday.  My job consultant is some bloke called Chris who was unavailable even though I'd been given an appointment with him.  Call me suspicious but it was interesting that just before my appointment time a woman, who was obviously well known to all the staff, dropped in and everyone sort of disappeared.  I  was interviewed by a charming woman who was very sympathetic (I still get a bit upset when relating the events of the past 4 years with parents and work and stuff) but was obviously reading from a script.  I know this cos said script was there in front of me and she told me I was the second interview she had conducted as she was very new.  I found it a bit disconcerting when she looked at me, dropped her voice and asked "any abuse? addictions? pending prison sentences?" as per the list of dot points in front of her.  Even I did have any of those issues I don't think I would be divulging them then and there after that sort of questioning!  A bit more supervision, methinks.

Anyway.  I shall keep the diary, apply for jobs and see what happens.  Unfortunately, Himself is adamant that I do this.  I don't think he realise quite how horrible the whole exercise is.

We shall see how things go.  I guess if it all gets too much, I shall have to go and see someone and get a medical certificate.  Anxiety is a nasty, nasty thing.

The Mermaid came for lunch today.  It was lovely catching up with her and all the news.  We have known each other since waaaaay before kids and they are all adults and settled down now.  *sigh* where does the time go.

Hmmm.  This is getting a bit maudlin so will go and see about something for dinner.

Maybe if I got my health and fitness back under control life would look less bleak.  Cos it really is a case of "what't the point of getting out of bed" at the moment.

Retirement ain't all it's cracked up to be!

 So .... it's been nigh on 3 months since Himself stopped work.  Initially it went better than I expected but of late, it's not been so good.  He feels useless, worthless.  Stays up till 3 in the morning and then doesn't get out of bed til midday.  And I am also staying up late and getting up late.  Not as late as he is but still not good.

It took a while before he put in motion the necessaries for the aged pension.  And then I had to complete the forms. Which is fine as I LOVE form filling!  Just not with a cantankerous old sod breathing down my neck!  Ditto his tax returns.

We have had a few words and more silences but I think we are moving through it all.

I have made a list of things we can do.  Day trips, house stuff, short trips away.  The thing is that I have some friends and he doesn't really have any.  And for the last two years he lived in Sydney Monday to Friday so I was on my own and had a routine.

Anyway ... life goes on and we will muddle through.  It'll be 40 years since we met come Feb.  I'm not planning on changing things anytime soon!

On Friday it would have been Dad's 96th birthday. This time last year Mum was being very difficult and had basically stopped eating.  This was always her attention seeking behaviour but I think she pushed it too far this time and her body had no reserves.  She died just over 2 weeks after Dad's birthday.  What with this and Christmas the next few months will be hard.

So I'm not in the best place at the moment but I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.  My eating and exercise are total crap.  I have to have a blood test shortly and a follow up with the GP for repeat meds.  Not looking forward to that ... my liver isn't very happy with me and I'm sure the doc will have something to say about it.

OK.  Enough of the doom and gloom misery guts.

A quick one

Himself and I are about to go out to dinner with Ebs' mum and stepdad.  We are fortunate to get on well with One's inlaws.  It's a good thing that they asked us out as Himself and I do have a tendency to hibernate and just enjoy each others company.  Not really healthy in the long term.

Today we bought a whole lot of LED downlights to replace our halogen ones.  We have been assured by many this will have a positive effect on our electricity bill.  We are also looking at getting solar panels.  Anything to save a bit of money in retirement!

Ebs' step dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer a year ago and on the advice of his oncologist has been following a plaeo way of eating since.  The difference in them both is amazing and he is doing well with his cancer battle.  All things that keep prodding me in that direction.  It's just a huge change and one we will need to make together or it will be hard to stick to.  Himself and I both have some significant niggling health issues that I know will resolve with diet.  *sigh*

OK.  time to go.  I'll pop back in the next day or so.

dusting away the cobwebs

Well, hello.

Long time between drinks.

Over two years since I tended this poor neglected blog.

And what a two years it has been.

Dot points and I'll come back and address them all ...

In no particular order

• Himself is now retired. He commuted between Melbourne and Sydney for over 2 years.  Every week.  The novelty soon wore off
• My job with the psychiatrist was fun while it lasted,  Until I realised that we had different moral values.  I quit in June last year.
• Ma died on 24/11/13 and Pa on 17/4/14.  So much to say about those times.  Still struggling with things and it's damned annoying the way grief sneaks up when you least expect it and whacks you over the back of the head.
• One and Ebs got married in July 2013.  Such a happy day.
• Two and Mads left Australia 5 days later for an extended overseas trip. Not such a happy day.
• They came home in May this year after realising that Australia is the best place to make a go of things (well, that's my interpretation!). They are now living in Sydney.  Both have good jobs and are happy.
• Three moved back home when Two left and then moved out again in January
• Dogs and cats are well.
• I have some amazing friends.  

So my plan is to natter about what I did each day and also address something from the dot point list

But as we all know, the best laid plans and all that.

For now though ....

Today

It's been 2 months since I managed to convince Himself to pull the pin and come home.  He was going to be home mid September anyway but was so miserable I talked him into coming home early August.  He reaches pension age in a fortnight and we are getting things together so we can draw down pension and super and hopefully live well for many years to come.  We don't live extravagant lives ... we don't travel overseas or eat at expensive restaurants.  We should be fine.

One thing we have started to do is stay up waaaay too late and then sleep in the next morning.  We need to get some structure into our days.  This is a huge learning curve for us - as I'm sure it is for many new retirees. 

I have rediscovered my love of craft and have several projects on the go.  

So today we slept in really late (thanks to daylight saving starting) and after filling in forms for the super fund we went to two hardware stores looking for a particular frypan and I went to Spotlight and bought ONE REEL OF COTTON!!!  To finish a quilt I have made ebony for christmas.  But Spotlight, Me and only buying what I went to buy?  Unbelievable!!

The past

So much to talk about.  I am still struggling with the grief from my parents' deaths and am then struggling with why I have so much grief seeing as we didn't have the best of relationships.  As Christmas approaches I know it will get harder.

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Time for dinner.  The plan is to write more frequently than every couple of years!

I have a job ... I work two days a week for a psychiatrist doing admin stuff and I love it.

I spent 5 days in Coolongatta with 28 close friends!!  We had a ball. 

Himself is slowly coming to terms with working in Sydney.  Nothing against Sydney but he misses his dogs.  And cats.  And wife.  Sometimes I think it's in that order!!

The parents are fading quietly.  Things are settling a bit but Dad's short term memory is getting very bad and Mum has some word finding difficulties.

Dr Teacher gets married in just over 3 weeks. 

One and Ebs settle on their brand new house tomorrow after much fucking around by the builder.

Two seems to be happy living here.  Supposedly saving money for travelling overseas.

Three is thriving.  Moving out of home is the best thing he did.

So, all in all, life is pretty damn good.