My head is not a good place to be

I am currently on 4 weeks annual leave.

I should be happy and relaxed but I am very stressed.  Why?  Because I can't make a decision to save myself at the moment.  Whenever I think of something I immediately think of something else.  I find it very difficult to get out of bed because I can't decide what to do when I get up.  The ludicrous nature of the situation can be described with the thought processes that went on this morning.

I should get up.  I should go for a run.  Should I shower before or after the run?  What will I wear?  Will I do some housework?  What should I do?  Should I wash my hair today or tomorrow?  If I go for a run then I should wait and have a shower afterwards so I can wash my hair cos if I run with wet hair it will dry funny.  If I don't go for a run I will be fat forever.  And noone will like me and I will have no friends and no life.  If I don't do the housework my house will be permanently dirty and I will never be able to get it clean again.  If I sit and read a book I am lazy.

This crazy thinking went on for a good hour or so.  Eventually I got up, had a shower and washed my hair.  I didn't go for a run.  I did tidy the place, cleaned the oven, dusted and vacuumed and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom benches.  I didn't have breakfast because I couldn't decide what to eat.  Too many choices.  I did have lunch ... there was only one option for lunch.

I decided that I was going to use the time off to get fit again (read "lose weight") and that has placed me fairly and squarely in the crazy place in my head.  Himself is very understanding and tells me to just do one thing at a time and not be too hard on myself.  I spoke with my colleague from work who also has some mental health/self esteem/weight issues and she understands exactly where I am.  

This is one reason why I haven't been writing here for so long.  But having read what I have just written and seeing how silly it looks in black and white makes me realise that jotting things down to look back on later is a very helpful tool.

So.

Apart from Me the Crazy, life is good.

We are pretty well settled into the new place.  I still need to unpack the boxes of books but need some bookcases.  We see more of the boys and their girlfriends than we did in the old place.  We are ALL playing golf!  Including One.  One, Two, Two's girlfriend, Himself and I are all having golf lessons on Sunday mornings.  Three has to work.  He has started at TAFE so needs to work at least one day on the weekend.  Two is doing well with his filming stuff and One is also doing very well in his career.  I am enjoying work and have gone very part time.

The recent bushfires have touched everyone.  It will be one of those disasters where everyone will know of someone who was directly affected, such is the extent of the devastation.  The cynic in me is sitting back and watching the politicians get as much mileage out of it as possible.  Pollies from both sides.  The generosity of the average bloke in the street has been phenomenal.

And now that I have dusted off the cobwebs of this blog I shall go and sit on the balcony with a cup of tea and a book and contemplate the river.

Hot hot hot

As I sit here typing I am watching the helicopters fly over towards the scrub fires a couple of suburbs away.  Last evening there was a pretty spectacular blaze which resulted in the house being filled with smoke.  These fires are absolutely no threat to us but I do feel for the people that are affected.  Today is going to be another hot, very windy day.  Not good for fires.

I saw the doctor this morning and my blood pressure has come way down so all is good.  I have another sample pack of meds and will see him again next week and if all is still OK then I will stay on these meds and find myself another doctor!!  I find the idea of a doctor that pulls the ears of a middle aged woman because she stopped taking her blood pressure medications just a tad weird!  It's not as if he's known me for years or anything.  Weird.

I was supposed to have yesterday off in lieu of working this evening/night to assist with the air sampling in the operating theatres but my colleague's Dad was taken to hospital in NSW so she has been up there this week.  So I worked yesterday and will head into work about lunch time to finish off some paperwork and hopefully start the air sampling late afternoon.

Himself was climbing on some crap in the garage trying to measure some shelving on Sunday and he fell.  And badly bruised his left wrist.  I tried to talk him into going to get it xrayed on Sunday but he was too embarrassed.  He saw the physio on Monday for his back and she arranged for an xray.  Nothing broken just badly bruised and swollen.  idiot.

It's really getting windy, now.   The river has waves!  And Elvis, the big water dumping helicopter, has just flown over.  That is one massive helicopter.

Time for another cuppa and then I'll think about moseying into work.

To blog or not to blog? That really is the question.

I have come very close to deleting this whole thing.  But then I reread some of the entries and it reminds me of where I've been and what I've done.  I doubt that I will ever get back to writing nearly every day but if I pop in once a week or so then at least I'll have something to look back on in times to come.  And really, that was why I started writing in the first place.  The people who would read and comment were a bonus.

So.

We are halfway through January already.  I have gone very part time with work and am coming to terms with that.  It's lovely to know that I have all this time to do things with but, at the same time, it's very challenging for someone who needs routine.

The whole diet and exercise thing has gone very pear shaped (unfortunately resulting in me becoming very apple shaped).  I have regained about half of what I lost over 12 months ago.  

Three saw 7 Pounds the other night.  Yesterday he was asking about becoming an organ donor and also about donating blood.  He hasn't donated before so we decided that we would go and donate together today.  I was called into the interview room first and it seemed that something rather weird had happened to my records.  They had me last donating in 1976!!  Under my married name when I was married in 1977.  (I last donated sometime between 2003 and 2005 - can't remember!).  And my weight at my last donation ... 52 kilos.  Yeah right.  Anyway, I have a very unusual name and my date of birth was right and my driver's license matched so the nurse went ahead with the assessment.  And took my blood pressure.  I kid you not ... "HOLY CRAP"  came out of her mouth!!  I guess 196/105 is  leeetle high!!  Actually it's scarily high.  So, no blood donation today and I came home and rocked up to a medical centre and asked to see a doctor.  And after a lecture (well deserved, I'm ashamed to admit) am back on medication.  Also, no weight lifting so I popped into the gym and spoke with Ben (my trainer) and we decided that I will continue to go but will do light cardio and stretching.  As he said, anything is better than nothing.

I dread to think what my cholesterol is like.  And I shudder to think what my BP and cholesterol would have been when I was really overweight and unfit if I hadn't been on medication.  I would probably have had a stroke.  And that's what scared me today.

I went back to Weight Watchers the other week.  After I swore I never would again.  And it was the biggest mistake.  So I have made those near and dear to me promise that if I ever suggest that again I am to be spoken to very severely.

Himself is in Sydney again but only for tonight.  Three and his girlfriend (forgotten what I called her and can't be bothered checking) were here for dinner (btw, his blood pressure was 116/66 and he gave blood with no problems and felt very positive for doing so) and have now gone to have coffee with mates.  Tomorrow I am off to gym at 6.30 and then getting my hair done at 10.00 with Suze before hitting the course in the afternoon.  And then the club for dinner.  Which is a typical Friday for me now (without the haircut but we often do something like going to the market or the shopping centre in the morning).  I am in the perfect place for a stress free life ... both domestically and career wise.  So it's up to me to ensure that I am alive long enough to enjoy it.

My feet still aren't 100% and, realistically, never will be again.  I think I have arthritis in them.  I have been stressing about not being able to exercise and then read something that Chris wrote about the only way to lose weight is eat less.  Initially I was all "no it's not, it's about exercise ... I've proven that" and then someone mentioned that if you suffer an injury that prevents you from exercising if you haven't the eating under control you will regain the weight. And there was a "duh" moment from yours truly.  So, I'm NOT going on a diet but I am looking at what goes in the gob and I'm balancing that with how much I move.  And I'm not beating myself up if I can't get out and run every day.

Nuff of that.  Himself gave me tickets to "Billy Elliot, the musical" for Christmas.  Him and me and a night in a lovely old hotel in Melbourne.  Pretty special as he does NOT do live theatre OR musicals.  I absolutely loved it.  And he didn't mind it which is high praise indeed from him.  I really want to see it again (which is unusual for me) and am trying to convince a son or a girlfriend or both into coming with me.  If not, I will book and go on my own.  It really was THAT good.

Speaking of Christmas, we had a lovely one.  We had family and close friends around on Christmas Eve.  Christmas Day was the boys and one girlfriend (Two's ... she is looking like a stayer which is fine by me - the other two had family commitments but are also quite lovely).  Boxing Day was at Dr Teacher's and was ... OK.  A bit odd for a number of reasons.  Other Brother's wife was unwell and couldn't make it which was a real shame and my mother was in A Mood.  But I am not going to dwell on her issues so we will leave it at that.  (Stress Less ... my 2009 motto).

Will it be another several months before I come back here?  I hope not.  My routine is certainly different (I used to update in the morning after exercise and before work but have to leave home much earlier to get to work on time so no time for ANYTHING!  Even eat breakfast at work!) But now that I'm working part time I envisage being able to update at least once a week and that should give me the look back that I find quite valuable over time.  And if anyone even bothers to check to see if I've written anything and comments, then that will be a bonus.

G'night.

Bits and pieces

Our barbecue.  We had a huge one in the old place which we only bought this time last year but when we got down here we realised it was way too big.  I think One might inherit it!  Anyway, we went out and bought a Weber Q and it is fabulous.  We had the sense to get mains gas installed when we signed up so it's permanently connected with no need to lug gas bottles up and down the stairs.  I was worried that it might not be big enough but we have cooked for over a dozen people on more than one occasion and it is plenty big enough.  It's also good for just the two of us which was the hassle with the other one.

This is our fridge.  The stair case is to the left and it was very difficult to get upstairs! But I love it.  We have plumbed it in (after a couple of false starts cos Himself kept overtightening the connection and breaking the plastic so it leaked!) and have cold water all the time and ice that makes itself.  Very civilised!

The reason I have shown you these photos is that I can't get my phone to talk to my macbook to upload photos of the actual house and furniture and stuff!  And I haven't found the cord that links my camera to the computer!  One day.

My boss just rang to offer me permanent part time work.  I had an interview on Tuesday which was quite bizarre.  I have been interviewed for positions within the same organisation but never for the job I'm currently doing.  The good thing is that I now have permanent work and it's for 5 days a fortnight which is just perfect.  It looks as if I'll work every Monday and Tuesday and every second Wednesday.  Golf course here I come!  It also means that I can keep on top of the housework and general maintenance.  I spent over 5 hours cleaning today.  Scrubbed out the showers, cleaned the shutters and the skirting boards as well as the normal stuff like dusting and vacuuming.  I don't want things to get grubby.

It's 5 o'clock and I've just finished lunch!!  Washing needs to be hung out and brought in.  Himself is going out for a boozy dinner so it will just be Three and me tonight.  Pizza I think.  Then up at 6 for the gym (even on a day off!!).  I will need to take Himself partway to work tomorrow as he is leaving his car and taking the train to the restaurant.  I had planned to hit a major shopping centre early (Southland for those that know) to avoid the crowds and get a car park but don't know if that will happen after all.  I need to sit down and make my lists cos I might actually get away with not having to go to the big shops at all.

This weekend I want to get the tree up.  It's not feeling like Christmas at all.

And on that note I shall toddle off and read a book til Three gets home.  At least he's only 20 minutes drive away now, not 2 hours!

Random bits

In the old house we never worried about fly screens.  Occasionally we would get a lazy old blowie in and it would get squashed or sprayed.  Down here, however, is bug paradise.  We have mossies, blowies and sundry other buzzlies.  A few weeks ago Himself and One went on a road trip to visit stepson in Brisbane.  I had the Mermaid over for a barbecue and we left the balcony door open.  Big mistake.  Three came to the rescue and sprayed fly spray around all the down lights which were attracting insects like, well, moths to a flame!  We now have flyscreens.  And an insect zapper on the balcony.
This is the view from the decking outside the living room door in the rental.  It was a lovely spot but 6 weeks was too long to live in such a small place.  And the final straw came after we'd moved out.  We told the owner that the DVD player never worked whilst we were there.  The aircon/heating wasn't working when we moved in and we had people coming in on several occasions to fix it; a power point had to be repaired; the oven didn't have instructions so we had to get them dropped off so you can understand why we didn't bother about the DVD player.  We left the place spotless and the owner commented on how lovely it was.  A couple of weeks after we moved I got a phone call from her saying that the DVD player wasn't the one she had put in there and it was a cheap and nasty from Aldi.  I expressed horror that a tenant would do something like that and then she had the gall to tell me to ask Three about it as she was convinced that it must have been him or one of his mates.  Oh no, lady.  She didn't have a leg to stand on as she couldn't tell me when she last saw the damned player so she can go and accuse her previous tenants.  Bitch.  This was after we had spent a small fortune buying hifi stuff for this house - from Three and the hifi store he works for.  I really don't think any of us would want a piece of crap from Aldi!

Today I went and got my hair cut for the wedding on Friday.  Himself is on his advanced driving course and having a ball.  I have had my lunch (tuna, avocado and cucumber on corn thins - yum) and think I might curl up on the couch with a book for a few hours.  I have vacuumed the carpets already and the washing is just about up to date.  I know that the next 3 days are going to be really hectic at work because we have gastro on several wards so I shall take it easy whilst I can.

Sheba is sitting on the table on the balcony.  I just wish she would use the cat door downstairs and go into the back courtyard.  I had hoped that kittylitter would only be temporary but I think I am going to have to resign myself to having it for ever.  At least I've found one that absorbs odours and doesn't track too badly.

Enjoy the week.

My Dad turned 90

We didn't know what to get a 90 year old and Dr Teacher suggested a Harley Davidson ride.

The grin on his face says it all!

I realise it's been a long time between drinks.  I haven't quite worked out the routine which involves updating here.

We have been in the new place for about 2 months.  I still keep waiting for the holiday to end and having to go home!  Even though we are all back at work it still has a lovely holiday resort feel.  

Today it has been pouring with rain which is just fabulous.  It has been so long since we had decent rain that the bleak grey skies are almost better than clear blue sunny ones.  I am sitting at the kitchen bench with the view across the river on one side and through my bedroom window I can see the golf course.  Not there is anyone out there at the moment.

I have continued with the personal trainer and now go every monday, wednesday and friday at 6.30 am.  I don't think the scales have changed much but I can definitely see a difference in the way my clothes fit.  Suze and Neil are getting married next Friday and  I was able to buy an outfit in a normal shop.  This is good.  As in the past I would have had to go to the larger size shops.

My contract at work expires at the end of the year.  There are two positions on offer.  One is for 8 days a fortnight and one is for 4 days a fortnight.  I am going to apply for the 4 days with the opportunity to pick up extras if they come available.  I am now an accredited nurse vaccinator so can work at councils doing infant immunisation if I want.

Himself and I have completed an 8 week golf clinic and have played a little bit.  I think we will get into the swing of it.  Again, it's getting that routine think happening.

The boys are well.  All have girlfriends and are happy.  

I am now going to pour myself a glass of sav. blanc and go and watch the watery sunshine on the river.

Catchya later.

Computers don't bounce

This will be brief, very brief.

Unless I get carried away and then it won't.

I apologise profusely for not updating but life has been incredibly hectic.  More chaotic than I ever expected.

The cats were traumatised beyond my expectations and although Sheba recovered fairly quickly, Tom took ages to come around and spent the first two and a half weeks living under our bed during the day.  He would come out at night when it was dark and the blinds were drawn but as soon as it got light and we opened the blinds he belly ran under the bed and could not be coaxed out.  He is much better now but still hides under the bed if startled.

I went back to work yesterday after a couple of weeks off and would have settled down to write a huge update last week except I dropped my macbook.  Onto the kitchen tiles.  It seemed OK except the mouse wouldn't work so when Other Brother came over whilst Mrs Other was in hospital having major cardiac surgery (tell you about that another time but she's home and on the mend) I asked him to have a look at it (to take his mind off things) and he suggested rebooting it and it ... didn't.  

Himself took it into the new Apple shop at Chadstone and they replaced the hard drive and I picked it up today but a whole lot of software hasn't been reinstalled, Himself and One are in Brisbane visiting Stepson and his family and I am thoroughly pissed off.

I have heaps to tell you and will do soon.  I promise.