How many of us have had thoughts like this?
I saw my amazing psychologist today. It was my 5th session and things are getting gritty. I was really wrung out when I finished and could hardly stay awake for scrabble.
One thing we are working on is "should". As in "I should xxxx" which is usually followed by "but". I had an epiphany last night and thought "what if you exchange but for and".
"I should get out of bed every morning to walk BUT I am too lazy"
"I should get out of bed every morning to walk AND tomorrow I will see how I feel"
"I should eat healthier BUT it's too hard"
"I should eat healthier AND I will have a think about how I can do this"
Not the most original examples but you get the gist. As least you get to see how my brain works.
How does your brain work? Do you speak to yourself kindly or do you heap blame on yourself for not being perfect?
Just try swapping BUT for AND. And if you can, remove "should" from your personal conversation altogether.
Oh the ‘could’ve, would’ve, should’ve’ conversation makes good listening on replay😊….not!
ReplyDeleteI get angry with myself when the feelings of remorse start appearing.
Remorse is such a wasted emotion but we do it to ourselves all the time.
DeleteWords to ponder.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, Ms Moon. As your words often make me ponder.
DeleteI don't know if my brain works like that. I tend to think things will last forever when in fact they are only temporary. I'm also very affected by light, or lack of light. I do beat myself up when I get angry though.
ReplyDeleteI understand the light thing. When I am in pain (like childbirth) everything seems dark. When the pain stops the lights come on. I love winter but my mood suffers because of the lack of sunlight. You must struggle living where you do.
DeleteI remember long ago learning that should isn't a way to live! That was a useful bit of knowledge, especially when we try to get other people to do what we want them to. We can only, more or less, manage ourselves.
ReplyDelete"Should" is such a negative, controlling word. I am learning to manage myself.
DeleteGreat advise. Will try the "but and "and".
ReplyDeleteI will be interested to see if it helps.
DeleteI am trying very hard to remove 'should'. Only this morning I was hating myself.
ReplyDeleteWhy do we do this to ourselves?
DeleteIt is hard to change the way you talk to yourself
ReplyDeleteI will be so mean to me and then I think. Would I speak to someone else this way. The usual answer is no. So now when the old record begins to play I think imagine your talking to your children and I change it. It’s a long slow progress but I am make headway.
I’ve been working on this for most of my adult life and it’s still a battle everyday
Wise words, Angela. We would never to speak to others the way we speak to ourselves.
DeleteThat's interesting and I can see the point of it. I guess 'but just not today' is forbidden too. Should is a harder one to overcome.
ReplyDeleteI find that "but" sets us up for a negative. Not necessarily all the time but how often does someone say something followed with "but" and down the conversation goes!
DeleteLinda and Vika are great, I have seen them performing with Paul Kelly....Peta
ReplyDeleteThat would have been amazing, Peta. They are so good together.
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