We had lunch with R and T. R is Himself's step cousin (his uncle married her mum). She and I have been friends since we met eons ago. She and the Mermaid are my two oldest friends.
This is her second marriage. She has three kids from her first who are roughly the same age as mine. Her eldest, a son, is 5 months older than One.
He was there today which was a surprise.
He is homeless. Pretty much by choice and a propensity for drugs. Covid saw him housed as the government did everything it could to get the homeless off the streets. He didn't really like his accommodation. It was full of druggies, alcoholics and they steal from each other. There was a fire and the residents had to leave. He is now squatting. I guess it beats living on the bench outside the library.
He rocked up to R and T's last night. She fed him and he did some washing. He wanted to stay until we arrived. It was "Hi Auntie Sparkling and Uncle Himself" with hugs and genuine joy. This is good because when he was under the influence of something he told his mother that I was the cause of many of his problems. I guess I should be flattered I still have a place in his memory!
He didn't stay through lunch and R drove him to the local station so he could catch a train. Possibly to arrange a hit - he had been clean for over two days and had been arranging to meet someone while we were having starters, hence the hasty departure.
He tried to join in conversation. It was sad. It was obvious that a lot of what he was saying was fiction but it was like he wanted to be accepted and be 'normal'. We talked about dogs and showed him photos. He latched onto random things and the conversations were somewhat fractured.
I remember the day he was born. I remember him growing up. He was a bright kid and could have had a great future but the drugs got him in his teens and the rest of his life has been a battle. In many ways it's a miracle he is still alive.
He has aged beyond his years. He looks haggard and drawn. He smells like a homeless person despite showering and washing his clothes last night.
But I got another hug and a "goodbye Auntie Sparkling and Uncle Himself" as he left.
The thing is this is his choice. He knows he has fucked up and he knows he has noone to blame but himself. He isn't asking for sympathy or handouts.
Maybe just a bit of understanding and respect. He is a human being after all.
At some point, drug addiction is no longer a choice, it's just a physical and mental compulsion that is stronger than the will to live. My son is homeless at times, stays in shelters, is in and out of jail. The last time I saw him he was high and confabulating stories. He's obssessed with his youngest son and his health. It's heartbreaking for me to watch, so I stay away from him. It's how I protect my heart.
ReplyDeleteYou will understand how my friend feels more than I can. But K, when not high, states that this is how he chooses to live. Is it? Who knows. There comes a time when one has to step away as you and R have. Too much to talk about in a comment but I am so glad to see you around again. xx
DeleteIt’s so very sad. As a parent and grandparent it breaks my heart. I never minded if my children choose to not follow society and become overachievers. And I wanted them to have a fun childhood and adolescence. But the one thing I told them over and over again. You can never control drug use. It will control you from the first “hit”.
ReplyDeleteThankful that was the one time they listened to me.
It is so hard to watch someone go down that path.
DeleteThe Stalker
ReplyDeleteHectic at ours so have dropped by to say hullo and have now caught up on your happenings . As Miranda or her Mum said ‘
‘Such fun’ you seem to be happening at yours . Venetians, plumbing cat ate my curtains time of fun
I am so sad that though that you relation has a hard issue to overcome and wish him well and hope he can find something to get him out of his dire situation . His parents I am sure would be suffering more. All children are precious even as adults and while we cannot interfere in their choices we love them regardless
Better days ahead hopefully for everyone
Good wishes
Thanks, Stalk. I gave her Martha as a gift. I think the hardest thing for her has been learning to step back but still be there for him. She now tells him she won't engage when he is high but she always loves him.
DeleteI hope the hectivity at your place is calming down.
It's sad enough to see on the streets but it must be a whole lot worse when you have seen someone grow up and fall into such an abyss.
ReplyDeleteHe has been on this track for over 20 years. He had issues as a teen and the drugs were there waiting for him.
DeleteSuch a sad situation for the young man and his family.
ReplyDeleteWe see so many of the homeless people on the streets here too. Some of the problem, at least I think so, is, a few years ago in their wisdom the Government closed all of the mental hospitals, the residents were put into community houses, which held a number of them with a caregiver of some sort. These homes were in such bad repair they were condemned, people moved out, no where to go but on the street. Drugs entered into their lives and the rest is history. A world wide problem.
This is the same here, Pat. I am not sure that the mental hospitals were the nicest of places but they provided safety, care, and basic human needs.
DeleteAddiction is such a sad thing. They go into it by choice and can never leave. One of my own nephews died at a young age a few years ago, from his ice addiction.
ReplyDeleteThat is sad. It's hard for me to understand that kind of addiction, but I'm glad that you and Pixie are in communication as it probably helps to share information and experiences.
ReplyDelete